


Adrift

by Serja



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Denial, Depression, Family Feels, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Loss, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 18:37:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serja/pseuds/Serja
Summary: After a week without sleep and a major confrontation with an old foe, Sans vanishes and goes radio silent, leaving only a brief note behind as Papyrus tries to pick up the pieces and march bravely onward despite his greatest fear seemingly on the verge of becoming reality. He just has to be brave and wait patiently for Sans to come home... right?





	1. Chapter 1

Friday  
14th August UUY 1

The trek back from Waterfall had been far too long, even at the breakneck pace Papyrus had set across the marsh from the mines in the aftermath of when he felt his brother’s presence vanish. Logically he knew that he could have waited for Undyne, Zarc, or possibly even Toriel to have emerged from the mines and inquired after Sans’ wellbeing — though definitely not whatever that _thing_ was pretending to be their father — but a feeling deep in his soul told him that they wouldn’t have the answers he sought either. Instead the skeleton heeded the sense of urgency he felt that drove him to return home as quickly as his legs could carry him, refusing to believe that his sibling hadn’t made it out of whatever had gone down in those mines alive. He was too smart, too clever, too quick, too…

Sans had been so very sick and tired.

Tears blurred his vision as booted feet squelched across the churned earth and melted snow of one of the main paths between Waterfall and Snowdin, an unsteady breath catching in his ‘throat’ and disrupting the steady rhythm of soulbeat and footfall. _No! He can’t be gone. He probably just took a shortcut._ Papyrus shook his head, sending several bright amber tears sparkling into the breeze before using his scarf to wipe away the rest of them, steps slowing in the process even as he neared their shared home. _He’ll need me when he comes home._ Truthfully the sentry was hoping that his brother would have already come home, but there was only the faintest trace of that familiar magic as he neared, soon making his way down the winding path between the thick grove of trees that surrounded their property. It was painfully clear from the darkened panes and the hallowed hush that lay over the house that nobody else was here, the click of the lock tumbling undone sounding hollow as Papyrus let himself inside.

The first thing he noticed was how cold it was inside, rivaling the dark nights of Snowdin prior to the ceiling being cr __acked. While he didn’t feel cold the same way many other monsters did, lacking skin, the bony monster still felt the stark temperature difference compared to the cozier one they normally kept the home, both to ensure the pipes didn’t freeze and general comfort, particularly for of any guests who might drop by. Shutting the door behind him and securing it habitually, Papyrus moved deeper into the house, following the telltale traces of the elder’s familiar magic into the kitchen and finally the adjacent dining room. For once he wasn’t fussed that he still had his shoes on, particularly as he spied the piece of paper on the wooden table, pen laid across it in such a way that implied it’d simply been dropped where it laid immediately after use. It was placed in front of Sans’ usual seat, prompting a glance at the pale hardwood seat that in turn earned a shudder at the fine coating of pale powder upon it.

That was definitely monster dust.

It wasn’t enough to account for an entire monster, but the fact that the elder was still apparently chalking away concerned the younger greatly, even as he reached for the note to read the hastily written scrawl upon it, the brevity almost as concerning as the unnatural chill or the flaked off ossein.

 _Pap,_  
_Got some stuff to take care of, so gonna be gone for a bit._  
_I’ll see ya soon though, then we can catch up on those bedtime stories._  
_Love ya,_  
_Sans_

Papyrus found himself rereading the note several times before his blurred vision forced him to stop, a couple of orange splatters maring the plain white sheet of paper that had only been marginally used by his sibling’s note. _So that’s it, huh? No explanation, just see you later?_ He took a breath, trying to steady his emotions even though he felt like he was being pulled in several directions at once, one of them in particular being the desire to track down his sibling regardless of what the note said. Realistically, however, he knew that if Sans didn’t _want_ to be found that he wouldn’t. The Underground was vast and home to thousands of monsters, and even on the off chance anyone _did_ come close, all he had to do was take a shortcut and they’d be back to square one.

Even his own brother.

A sigh fell from Papyrus’ teeth as he set the letter down on the table again, habit prompting him to pick up the pen and put it back on its rightful place before he took steps to clean the dining area of that pale powder, trying hard not to think about what it was. The note was tacked up onto the cork board after folding it in such a way to only show Sans’ writing, such acts of industry soon leading the lanky monster into habitual preparation of the evening’s planned meal: a creamy seafood chowder. Soup had been a frequent meal the past week, laden with memories of all the times their mother had made soup for them when either was ill. It even turned out rather nicely by the time he was done letting it simmer, but in the end he found himself lacking even an inkling of an appetite as he stared down at his bowl and the empty seat across from him.

The soup had gone cold by the time the ivory sentry gave up on trying to nourish himself that night, finally just opting to stow the leftovers away in neatly portioned containers for later reheating, as he knew that he had a shift to work tomorrow, having taken extra ones in an effort to pick up the slack he was denied elsewhere. It hadn’t felt anywhere near enough in his estimation, but it was all he’d been able to manage with Undyne denying him a chance to participate in the higher risk assignments that his brother had already been doing, along with other monsters close to the elder skeleton.

It left the question niggling at the back of his mind if he’d ever be deemed worthy by either.

True, Undyne had broken his arm shortly before things went to hell in a handbasket, but after everything that had happened in the days that followed that accident, Papyrus had quietly healed the bone the rest of the way so that it was no longer even a minor hinderance. Of course the Captain of the Royal Guard had been far too busy with the multifaceted chaos across the Underground to permit someone she deemed untried and untested assist in such crucial frontlines. That had been his fault, Papyrus had come to realize, his tendency to show restraint having been a monumental detriment when dealing with someone who frequently in battle showed anything but. Even Sans had made a point of that in the conversation that had followed his return from that unfortunate training bout.

Of course, none of that really seemed to matter right now. Whatever force had come to dominate Waterfall with those myriad vines and golden flowers was gone. The news had declared the missing children as having been found and were being reunited with their families. The ceiling would be repaired he was sure, which would be a mercy given the lack of snow in Snowdin shortly after it was broken, even if Papyrus would miss that breathtaking celestial view. Most important of all, however, was his brother’s absence, which left a deep hollow feeling in his soul that churned miasmically with worry and a desire to be there for the one person in the Underground who mattered more than anyone else.

Even himself.

 _Especially_ himself.

Whilst thoughts roiled, the skeleton sentry moved on auto pilot, preparing himself for bed habitually as he removed his battle body costume carefully, replacing it with pajama pants and a short-sleeved top before meandering over to the washroom to brush his teeth and the like. It wasn’t until he put his hand on Sans’ door that he became fully cognizant of what he was doing, soul rippling with a forlorn note at the rememberance that there would be no bedtime story tonight.

Truthfully, it hadn’t been about the bedtime story itself in a long time. He had far outgrown those children’s tales well before he was even old enough to be considered an adult. But they had meant a lot to Papyrus because it ensured time with his brother each day, even if it was just to hear the sound of that soothing voice and feel the other’s calming aura nearby that made him feel home and safe. Now… he honestly had no idea when he would see the elder again. A day? Two? Maybe three? The note had seemed to imply a brief absence, and yet… it was so typically ambiguous that the ivory man genuinely couldn’t say for sure one way or another, despite what he wanted to hope.

Hand turned the knob that was usually locked but never was a problem with the younger skeleton, mildly surprised to find the lock undone already as he met none of the usual resistance before he entered the darkened room. Papyrus flicked the lightswitch on before he could get too far inside, sighing softly at the familiar mess strewn about the floor with worn socks just about everywhere he looked in addition to the softly swirling tornado and the treadmill that for once was actually off. Sans’ frameless boxspring and mattress were bare as usual, the bed sheets and comforter bundled into a lumpy ball with the pillows on the floor. His eye was soon drawn to the closet that was slightly ajar, which was an oddity, though as he stepped over and peeked in, the sight of Sans’ clothing strewn on the floor rather than hung up was far more familiar.

It almost felt like Sans could pop in out of nowhere at any moment and crack a joke.

Papyrus desperately wished that he would.

Slipping into the closet, the typically neater skeleton began putting all the soiled garments into Sans’ actual laundry hamper, realizing along the way that there was one fewer jacket there than there should be. It was an oddity that he didn’t have an answer for currently but he found himself keeping ahold of the one that smelled the most of his brother at present, hugging it quietly to him as it gave him a little added comfort. The knotted up bedding was soon untangled and the bare bed clothed once again, though the lack of that unfortunately familiar powder and even the elder’s smell told Papyrus that his sibling hadn’t gotten much use out of the sleeping area since he last did laundry about a week ago. It was hardly surprising, but it was depressing and concerning given that whatever Sans had to take care of, it precluded him at least _trying_ to sleep in his own bed.

Despite the fact that he was ready for bed and the room was as tidy as it was going to get with a cursory cleaning — at least the laundry was no longer strewn across the floor and the other items were neatly stacked out of the way, self-sustaining tornado aside — Papyrus found himself lingering, staring out the window at the bare backyard before his gaze was drawn upward to the gap where the night sky could once again be seen. He remembered the first night he’d seen those same stars about a week ago now; but the wish he wanted to make upon them tonight was very different than the first as he finally turned out the lights and crawled, not into his own bed, but rather into Sans’, curling about the jacket he still held close to his soul as his eyes closed, a few tears sliding down into the cerulean fabric as he held onto that silent prayer.

_Please, watch over my brother and bring him home safe._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day brings with it an unfortunate dose of reality as Sans' absence continues without any sight nor sound of the stout skeleton, but duty calls Papyrus and forces him from the meager comforts of his brother's bed into the elements to pretend that everything is all right for the sake of appearances.

Saturday  
15th August UUY 1

The next morning brought with it a measure of dissonance and confusion when Papyrus first roused to the sound of his phone’s alarm ringing out cheerily across the house from his bedroom, habitually going to reach for the nightstand only to encounter the wall that Sans’ bed was shoved up against instead. That was all it took to send the memories of the prior day crashing back down upon the skeleton’s psyche, prompting him to roll the other way to egress from his brother’s bed to cross the long walkway to the other side of the house into his room, hand soon silencing that overly cheery tune.

A brief sigh disturbed the merciful silence as the sentry sank down onto his still made bed for several breaths as his soul fluttered a rapid beat in his ribs before gradually calming while he took a minute or so to center himself. It was already getting light outside, prompting Papyrus to grab some fresh undergarments from his closet before heading back over to the washroom to shower. The hot water helped ease some of the kinks and soreness in his joints, the lanky monster taking some additional time to stretch as he dried off. Despite the seemingly full night of sleep he felt tired and lethargic, having already worked himself to the bone this past week. Still, he had signed up for this extra shift, so he felt obligated to fulfill it, even if he wasn’t at his peak.

_Maybe I’ll just turn in early tonight. At least I’ve got tomorrow off,_ he ruminated as he finally started to pull his clothes on, starting with a fresh black unitard beneath his familiar costume, completing it with the signature red scarf. It wasn’t long before he was downstairs and in the kitchen, habit almost having him start preparing breakfast for two before he caught himself with a glance out the window at the still muddy backyard, barren and brown without its usual covering of crisp white powder.

Papyrus missed the snow almost as much as he missed Sans.

In the end he settled for a simple bowl of unsweetened cold cereal, deciding he’d stop by Espresso Yourself for some portable coffee instead, since he was already off to a later start than usual. He still took the time to wash his dishes quickly but efficiently, however, familiar red gloves and wading boots pulled on before he was out the door, heading into town to make that stop for some much needed caffeine before beginning his long, lonely patrol along the western outskirts of Snowdin Town and its surrounding forest.

Unfortunately such persistent silence gave Papyrus a great deal of time alone with his own thoughts as he listened to the local wildlife calls, including the occasional sound off from his recently created lupine pack. The vanishing of the monster wearing their father’s face in the aftermath of the crisis wasn’t really all that surprising to the younger son of the former Royal Scientist, particularly given the harsh encounter he’d had with the monster beyond Sans’ eyesight and earshot. He hardly blamed Sans for holding onto a shred of hope that they might have actually been their father given what had happened all those years ago, particularly when they seemed to show up right before the elder’s health took such a nosedive. That alone would have been reason enough for the younger sentry to be suspicious, but given that the older skeleton had needed all the hope he could get… well, Papyrus didn’t feel it was right to take that away in the midst of such a crisis.

It didn’t mean that he couldn’t take steps to protect his older sibling either, though.

A part of him briefly worried that that imposter had somehow gone someplace with Sans, but such a thought was quickly discounted, seeing that if that had been the case, surely he’d have had no problem taking Papyrus along with him? Or at least coming home instead? _Surely he believes in me more than someone pretending to be our father…?_ He had to grant that this charlatan had been allowed to go with Sans into the mines when he’d been left behind, but that had been with others, like Zarc and Toriel, not alone. Despite the brevity of the note, instinct or something like it told the younger Aster sibling that wherever Sans had gone, it had been with the intent of handling something on his own.

Papyrus just wished that he could have somehow earned Sans’ trust so whatever that burden was wouldn’t have left the older monster feeling like he had to bear it alone. They were brothers, after all; bound by blood and bone. They should be able to tackle _anything_ together.

Except more often than not lately it felt like Sans was as distant and removed as the stars.

Thoughtless, automatically driven footsteps took Papyrus in a long circuit through the barren forest, deiced boughs already starting to bud with spring-like blossoms as the hot summer sun made the deciduous trees think that their eternal winter was over. It would have almost been pretty if it weren’t for the fact that such a drastic change in the climate was harming the monsters who relied on the province’s typically frosty weather patterns. It was why Snowdin’s damaged roof was being mended first, seeing as Hotland hardly suffered for having the real sun blazing down on it as midday, aside from perhaps being a trifle warmer, and Waterfall was merely muggier than usual with the added heat.

Such thoughts prompted the lanky skeleton to gaze skyward, the clear blue sky still visible through the fissure with some lazily drifting clouds wafting by. He could just barely make out the team of geomancers and another monster darting about on some kind of magic-made cloud, already working to undo what had been wrought a mere week ago.

_Where has the time gone? Feels like only yesterday the sky was falling._

If there was an answer to be found, the one Papyrus got rather abruptly as he ran into something hard and wooden was not exactly what the skeleton had been looking for. “Ooph!” he grunted with surprise, though his pride was likely a bit more injured than his person at such an awkward accident. He took a couple of stumbling steps backwards to regain his balance, soon able to see enough of the big picture to realize what he’d run into.

_Sans’ sentry station._

Of course the shorter skeleton was nowhere to be found, though in truth Papyrus wasn’t sure why he’d have even expected him to be. It certainly had been his habit to check up on his brother during his own shifts as he made his rounds and ensured his puzzles were properly calibrated. Particularly this past week, given how the elder’s health had gradually deteriorated, much to the younger’s increasing consternation.

With a heavy sigh, Papyrus came to lean against the front of the station along the right side, spine to the front of that supporting pole as his legs crossed at the ankles, arms folding over his chest as he took a long moment to pause in the pervasive stillness that held the forest in its grasp before breaking it. “I know you and I tend to deal with stuff pretty differently; always have and honestly probably always will. It’s just in our natures I guess. But… I hope whatever it is that you’re dealing with now, that you aren’t shutting me out because you think I wouldn’t understand or be able to forgive you for it.” The lanky skeleton let out a dry chuckle that wasn’t entirely heartfelt. “Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I know I never blamed you for what happened to our parents, so I can hardly think of anything you could possibly do that I’d reject you for. You’re my brother, and I always want to be there for you, no matter what.” A soft but long sigh fell from his teeth. “I just wish I could manage to earn your confidence so I could be there for you the way you’ve always been there for me. It feels like the least I could do to show how much you matter to me every single day.”

Why was it so much easier to talk to thin air?

“I dunno, I probably _am_ just overthinking all this, letting my mind run away with worst case scenarios because I’m worried about you, ” he admitted as he rolled about to lay his forearm on the upper portion of the station, leaning his forehead against the bones as he looked without really seeing into the alcove. “I know we don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but you’re too smart not to know that I still support you even when we disagree. Even if we sometimes are real _boneheads_ in how we show it. ” Papyrus managed another chuckle that was less dry than the first, though still not quite genuine. “I guess if you were here you’d probably tell me to stop worrying so much, given how capable you are, and you’d be right. You’ll probably be home tonight and I’ll feel silly for thinking otherwise, huh? Heh. Seems like your baby brother still has a lot to learn, but for you, I’ll keep working until I get there. Someday, somehow, I’ll reach a point where I’ve earned the right to your innermost confidence. Next time something happens, I’ll be ready, and I’ll show you what I’ve learned from the best monster I know.”

Papyrus pushed away from the sentry station then, a glance at the daystar — which was lined up nicely with the sun — and a confirming look at his phone telling him that his uneventful shift was basically done, prompting him to start heading the long trek toward home with plans to file his report digitally on his computer once he got there. He only got a few paces away from the wooden structure before he paused, half glancing back toward the empty booth where his brother would have been were he working.

“That’s you, by the way, just in case it was unclear.”

He managed a small smile then before resuming his march back to Snowdin Town, wind wafting through his scarf majestically whilst it trailed behind the lanky sentry as he went, leaving only the silent trees to bear witness to his genuine confessions regarding the one monster in the Underground who meant absolutely _everything_ to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day off presents a unique struggle for Papyrus with his brother's continued absence, but Sans' best friend from childhood reaches out unexpectedly to provide some comfort and a much needed visitation to set some important mental cogs in motion.

Sunday   
16th August UUY 1

The sound of birds chirping outside of the window roused Papyrus from what had perhaps mercifully proven to be a very deep slumber after he’d turned in early the night before. Reheated leftovers and a favorite movie had proven just his speed after coming home particularly tired from his sentry shift, letting him take his mind off of Sans’ absence for at least a couple of hours, but having today off meant having little to do but wait for his brother to come home.

Papyrus really didn’t want to even consider the idea that Sans might not.

Rolling onto his back in Sans’ bed, the lankier skeleton took the time to stretch out the various kinks in his joints, wondering how the elder managed to sleep on such a mattress all the time and filing the idea away of saving up to buy his brother a new bed when they could afford it. It might take some time, but given the lack of sleep his sibling had been getting the prior week, it seemed like something worth doing.

Still hugging the familiar blue hoodie to him, Papyrus rolled over to grab his phone off the floor where he’d left it to charge overnight, given the elder’s lack of a proper nightstand. The fact that it was nine AM going on ten earned a mild frown, since it was unlike him to sleep so late, even on his days off. He had to admit that he had been working himself down to the bone lately — oh, how he wished Sans was here to make that joke — but the fact that he had an unread message made him unlock the phone to see who it was from and what it was, mildly surprised that it was from Zarc.

_Guess it’d have been too much to hope for something from Sans,_ he admitted to himself before opening the winged musician’s message thread to review the latest one.

[Hey Pap? I've triple checked his usual haunts and sentry stations, still nothing. I'm sure you noticed already-- but Sans has gone... _somewhere_ , and it isn't Grillby's like he said. I don't know how to explain it; maybe you can make better sense of this weirdness? If there's anyone that'll be able to, it’s you.]

A surge of mixed emotions roiled through the empathic skeleton as he read the message over and then a second time, rolling onto his back again to stare up at the ceiling before a couple of tears rolled out and down the sides of his skull to tickle at his ear holes. It meant a lot that Zarc cared enough to notice, though it made sense too. He _was_ the shorter skeleton’s best friend, after all; had been since they were kids. It seemed just as obvious as to why the blue-skinned monster would think that he would be able to figure out the mystery surrounding that disappearance too, and honestly it hurt that he had almost nothing more to give the winged man.

Still, something _was_ better than nothing, and it would be the least he could do as thanks for what Zarc had already done. It prompted him to lift the touch screen phone back up, phalanges tapping at the on screen keyboard lightly to wrangle up a reply.

[Yeah. Thank you for doing that. I wish I had better answers to give you, but unfortunately all I got was a brief note saying he had some stuff to take care of, so he was going to be gone for a bit.]

He paused for a moment, trying to think of what else to say, what else would be appropriate to share. It _was_ Sans’ best friend, after all, so clearly there was some level of trust there. Maybe even more than he got, though Papyrus hoped not. Still, it seemed like sharing his hunch might be worthwhile, since clearly Zarc thought his insights were worth seeking, so he continued.

[The feeling in my bones tells me that he wanted some time alone to figure out… _something_. I don’t know what, since I don’t know what went down in those mines, but… I can tell you something was very wrong. I just wish I could have been there for him, instead of whatever that _thing_ was that wore our father’s face. It seems to have slinked off in the aftermath too, but I’m kind of glad. Not sure what I’d do to it if it dared show up again.

Anyway, that’s all I know. Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful than that, but knowing Sans he’ll just show up when he’s good and ready and be back to business as usual. I’ll let you know when I see him again. Know you’ll do likewise, so thanks in advance.]

Sending that message off, Papyrus decided he ought to stop lazing around in bed and actually get something productive done on his day off, despite how tempting it was just to stay here. The mattress somehow maintained its coolness and the familiar magic of his sibling had soaked into the room but particularly the bed over the years, a source of comfort and — if he was honest with himself — illusion that Sans was still nearby, just out of sight. It wasn’t something he wanted to break, but reality was a harsh master, and one he knew he’d had to face sooner or later.

It was probably better to just rip the proverbial bandage off.

With a sigh the skeleton tossed off the covers, leaving the comforting hoodie behind as well as he rolled out of bed and onto his feet, phone in hand as he headed to the adjacent washroom to take a shower, setting his phone on the counter while he did so. The hot water did help him wake up the rest of the way and eased out some of the kinks, though there was a lingering tension that Papyrus knew honestly wouldn’t go away until Sans was home safe again. A part of him felt that he was likely being silly to worry, but even Zarc apparently had an idea that something was out of the norm for his best friend too, so that alone spoke volumes to the younger monster.

Shutting the water off, Papyrus stood there for about a minute whilst the water dripped off his bones to the tile below, sighing out another breath as joints creaked softly with dismayed tension. “Stop overthinking it, Pap. He’s an adult and if he wants some time alone to take care of things that’s his business. Obviously it was important, otherwise he wouldn’t have left in such a rush. He’ll be back home when he’s good and ready; it’s _your_ job to make sure things are ready for when that is. ”

Giving himself a little shake, the lanky ossein monster moved out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel to dry himself off with rapid efficiency. A glance in the slowly defogging mirror showed his eye lights were mostly a kind of sickly looking ochre yellow with hardly any of the usual amber in them. He tried faking a smile for a bit to cheer himself up as he brushed his teeth, but it really didn’t help since his soul just wasn’t in it, and so he gave up on such things after a bit. Truly, it didn’t matter since he had the day off and was planning to just spend it at home handling the few domestic things — namely laundry — that needed doing. Nobody else would see since there was nobody else there.

And honestly, if Sans _was_ there, this whole problem wouldn’t even exist.

Grabbing his phone on the way out, the skeleton opted to saunter across the bridge without his towel, bones bare since he had the house to himself for an indefinite period of time. It wasn’t like he was embarrassed by them anyway, even if Sans _were_ to come home in the middle of that act.

Frankly, such an occurrence would have made Papyrus laugh had he been so lucky.

Alas, such a pleasant surprise was not meant to be for the youngest member of the remaining Aster family. Papyrus put his phone down on his desk as he passed by on his way into the closet, pulling on boxers, jeans, and a navy t-shirt that proclaimed ‘[I hate gravity; it’s always bringing me down](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0301/0501/products/i-hate-gravity-t-shirt-textual-tees.png?v=1477081794)’. Normally such a shirt was a source of humor to the skeleton given their signature blue magic, but today it felt more like commentary to his current emotional crisis. He grabbed a pair of socks on the way out, sitting at his computer to put those on before his phone buzzed, prompting him to pick it up and check the notification, which turned out to be from Zarc again.

[Seriously? That’s it? I'd understand if he left _me_ a note, but you? He should've told you straight up face to face, at _least_. Ugh.]

Papyrus sighed. “Would’ve been nice, but this _is_ Sans we’re talking about dude, ” he mused aloud to nobody, even though he felt the other monster was very much right about his brother owing him that much after the week they’d just been through.

The phone buzzed again in his hand with a longer message this time, prompting a mild furrowing of the other’s brow bone as he read the follow up text.

[Time alone is fair enough; the whole... Thing in the mines was not great, obviously. It’s not something to discuss over text, I can assure you. You're right, something is up, I dunno how I can tell, but I can just tell.  As for that gross _thing_ that somehow managed to have similar mana to your dad, it didn't do anything, in fact I'm pretty sure Sans only wanted it around to keep an eye on it. Surprise, surprise, it did bugger all and eventually ran away; yeah. You and me both, dude.

It’s okay, I hope you're having as good of a morning as you can have. I don't expect you to be up and at 'em and as driven as usual; not with Sans shutting us all out _again_. If I see him, I'll let you know, for sure.]

Another sigh escaped him as he set the phone back on his desk for a moment to consider his reply as he finished putting his socks on. There was so much about what the musician was saying that Papyrus fervently agreed with, _particularly_ how Sans should have at least included him in the loop of what the hell was going on after whatever showdown happened in the mines. It was frustrating, but it was also worrying.

[Yeah, kind of feeling the same but… he must have a good reason for it, right? Hopefully when he comes home we’ll both get some answers.]

If he’d had lips he’d definitely have been chewing them, but as it was his teeth worried against one another as he peered down at his screen for a long, thoughtful moment before continuing.

[You’re right that it’s probably not something to discuss over text. I’ve got the day off so I’ll just be home doing all that domestic stuff if you happen to be in the vicinity. If not, no big; I’m sure we’ll find a time our schedules align at some point. So far as that leech, I can’t say I’m surprised in either regard. Sans is too smart to fall for that kind of a charade anyway. I hope it stays under whatever rock it crawled back under.

I’m… well, I’m here I guess. A lot of other things too, but I suppose that’s pretty par for the course given that Sans left us all in the dark again. Not much that can be done about any of that until he comes home though, so at this point it’s just a waiting game for us all.

Anyway, thanks again for everything, and if you happen to see Ripley, feel free to say hi for me. Haven’t had a chance to take the ferry lately and I imagine all the chaos in Waterfall was a right nuisance for her too. At least things will be getting back to normal soon enough.]

“At least for most of us,” Papyrus ventured aloud as he sent the message before finally standing, pocketing his phone, and heading downstairs to the kitchen.

Though Sunday was a day Papyrus usually did something nicer for breakfast, seeing that Sans wasn’t there the effort felt pointless, prompting him to have just another bowl of plain cereal before heading back upstairs to gather up and sort their laundry. That didn’t take particularly long given he’d already picked up the elder’s the other night, but he did opt to strip both their beds after some thought, even though the sentry was pretty sure he’d gotten more use out of Sans’ bed in the past two days than he had in the past week.

Sans’ sheets and comforter went into the washer first, Papyrus pulling down the spares in the laundry room’s connected closet to take back up with him to make both beds properly. Sorting their laundry into lights and darks was almost trivial given that the elder wore practically the same thing everyday, though Papyrus supposed he couldn’t much talk given that he’d been wearing that costume they’d made together for most of his sentry shifts. It had been kind of fun, almost like having a proper uniform, though he knew it hardly afforded any _real_ protection, even if he playfully called it his battle body.

Truthfully, he was starting to think that was as close as he’d get to becoming a full fledged guard and no further. Still, he’d made a lot of advancing strides with his magic and techniques lately and knew that he could only continue to hone them if he kept at it, so maybe that would be the added edge he needed to get Undyne’s recognition. It was, however, a background consideration, at least until Sans came home, since the lanky monster cared far more about that than any hypothetical promotion under his long term mentor. Besides, she already had her hands full, so he doubted he’d hear from her for at least a bit while the remnants of the recent crisis were cleaned up.

Given his habitual neatness, a sweep around the house found nothing particularly out of place or in need of cleaning, aside from the cursory dusting that he did weekly along all the furniture and vacuuming of the floors. That took just long enough to require him to swap the laundry from washer to dryer and put his own bedding into the wash, but at the end he found that aside from the laundry, there really wasn’t anything else for him _to_ do in order to keep the house in proper working order. Certainly he could have probably made up something to do in order to keep his hands busy, but ultimately his heart just wasn’t in it today as Zarc had already correctly identified. It wasn’t surprising, really. The musician was the observant type, even if to most he might simply seem over the top flamboyant. Papyrus knew better given their long association, even if he still counted the winged monster as Sans’ friend first and foremost rather than his own.

With nothing that he _had_ to do, the house felt far too quiet, and a quick flip through what was on TV found nothing that really grabbed him, nor did he really feel like putting on another movie as he had the night before after supper. Truthfully, he found that he really didn’t want to drown out what he was feeling so much as find a way to express it, hoping that it would help him cope with the miasma of different feelings squirming inside his soul. Chatting with Zarc made him realize that it had been a bit since he played that long ago given instrument, and such a realization filled him with a sudden yearning to do so, prompting him to ascend the stairs back up into his room.

Sitting on its stand in a corner of his room, the deep blue guitar seemed quite innocuous on its own until he picked it up, his magical signature recognized and revealing the artisan scene crafted upon the face of the instrument. It was a forest scene at night, complete with stars and a moon with a very familiar face lovingly etched upon it. The sight of it made his soul ache, reminded of the other two members of the family who were no longer among them. He took a breath to steady himself before heading back downstairs with the instrument, soon settling onto the left side of the couch with it, tucking his left leg up under him as he tested the tuning of the strings.

Despite having not played it in some time, the enchanted acoustic guitar held its tuning as it always seemed to, even though he used normal brass strings on it. It was part of what Grim had done all those years ago, he knew, and still to this day was grateful for. For a bit he just let himself sound out his feelings on the strings with no particular direction, finding the chords and notes that resonated with the swirling storm inside. It was therapeutic, helping him process out a few of those emotions before it transitioned into a proper melody of something he had written many years ago to express another deeply emotional event, notes vibrating through the air with the skeleton’s magic as he lost himself in the music.

[Celldweller - The Great Divide (Instrumental)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLTFTbmO5lY)

* * *

It was an oddly quiet day out in Snowdin; even quieter in the outskirts. Zarc had made his way to the home of the Aster siblings rather swiftly after taking care of his morning routine. With a few gentle wing beats, he softly landed at the front door. The air here was tense, the mood sombre. It was unusual, and much like Papyrus, Zarc was in no way fond of it. 

Though allowing himself to unite with the music he was spooling out from his very soul to fill the eerie emptiness of the normally warm and welcoming home, Papyrus was keenly aware of the shifts in magic about their property, particularly when that winged monster drew near. Having given the man an open invitation, it wasn’t really a surprise that Zarc had taken him up on it, so he took only a fraction of himself away from that heartfelt melody to unlock the door with a light flick of his blue magic, allowing the other ingress. 

With a strong knock on the front door, Zarc gently opened the door and peeked in. “Hello? Pap?” Since the door was slightly open, he now properly heard the melody of a guitar... A very special guitar; one his father Grimlyn Tenebris had crafted. It didn't take much to realize the emotion behind the tone of music that was being played. Sighing softly, Zarc entered the house, closing the door behind him. Giving Papyrus a small smile and wave, he motioned for the skeleton to keep playing and that he should only to stop of his own accord. There was a look of understanding in the winged man's eyes — he knew that emotional expression through music was special.

Though Papyrus was seated on the far side of the couch from the front door, he wasn’t far from it either, the notes filling up the empty air of the common area as the musician let himself inside. The skeleton offered his guest a small smile, though he didn’t bother to hide the worried yellows striating his amber irises nor the streaks of orange tears that had been allowed to run down his cheeks as he permitted himself to express a whole range of emotions, though it was clear that loss was a dominant one here. There was gratitude for that understanding, however, letting himself continue the melody with a quiet nod that was both acknowledgement and greeting.

The acoustic notes persisted on their own for a time, as heartfelt as ever, but there was clearly more to the melody than that line alone, and the need to express that additional instrumentation had Papyrus summoning up a trio of small blaster skulls, but rather than being used for a destructive act as Zarc had no doubt recently seen, these were used to add the electric guitar and percussive elements, along with something else that was decidedly haunting. Here was the young skeleton using his magic along with his music to express himself to his fullest right now, his humming lyrical despite not giving voice to whatever lyrics might have been written to go with such a soulfelt tune.

Zarc slowly made his way further into the house; experiencing Papyrus' musical prowess for what it was; heartfelt and emotional. Being a man of music himself; Zarc let his own magic express itself, swirls of shadowy grains rustled into being, forming waves and motions in tandem with the spirited way Papyrus' played the piece, figures came and went, generally they were nondescript and featureless, but at some point there would have been a momentary glimpse of four in particular; Zarc, his sisters Abbysianne and Nactiarna, and finally their father; Grim. Eventually it would all fade away just as the music ended.

Such shadowplay along with his music was not unwelcomed by the troubled skeleton. In truth, it helped him feel a little less _alone_ in these moments without his brother, which was something he found himself desiring very much in the present and decidedly grateful now that the rockstar had taken his open invitation today. He knew the figures that made their appearance in the play of light and darkness, the last having been rather like the uncle he never had before he too was lost.

Death, it seemed, had visited both their families in abundance.

Still, after a few minutes Papyrus reached the end of that song, letting the last notes die away into nothing as he hunched over his instrument and made himself _breathe_ for a few beats. He knew Zarc would understand, so he didn’t feel the need to apologize. Truthfully, the winged monster was as welcome in their home as a family member as his owlish father had been, and he knew the other was quite aware of such things.

“So…” he drawled softly, lifting his head to look to his brother’s best friend, “tea?”

The winged rockstar didn't need to see Papyrus' face to know how he was feeling since he heard it through song, but the expression held by the youngest of the Aster siblings spoke its own language too. “Yeah, tea would be nice, I wouldn't mind coffee either,” Zarc nodded. 

“Mmm. Tea’s probably better right now,” Papyrus admitted as he carefully set the instrument aside against the end table on his side of the couch before carefully ejecting himself from the sofa and moving around the coffee table to head toward the kitchen.

“Need a hand with that?”

“Physically no, but emotionally yes, so how about you get the cups while I put on the kettle?” Papyrus suggested as he moved to fulfill his end of the bargain.

“You got it.” Zarc clicked his fingers with a double pistols gesture, gliding along the floor towards the cupboard to retrieve his half of the job. 

The gesture earned a mild wince from Papyrus as it reminded him of his brother, but he took a breath and gave a smile after anyway to show he was okay. Or, at least as okay as he _could_ be right now.

Zarc gave a bashful smile, with a hand held behind his neck for a moment. It was often true that close friends adopted similar mannerisms, and he picked up Papyrus' reaction as indicating his gesture was a particularly Sans-like one. “Whoops,” he uttered with an apologetic nod.

There was a mild hand wave to the apologetic nod, not so much dismissive of it as just a subtle way Papyrus was showing that the apology wasn’t needed in his estimation. Such transmission of mannerisms was commonplace among close associates, after all, and Zarc and Sans were often twin peas in a pod in their long years of friendship. Hardly surprising that they’d have a few similar quirks.

“... Nice use of the blasters, by the way. Very unique. Very you.” Zarc spoke softly, knowing full well the benefit of diversity in magical expression given that it was one of his own talents.

“...Oh,” Papyrus breathed as what he’d done clicked into place at the other’s observation, even as he took the kettle from the stove and moved to fill it with plenty of water for them both to have two or three cups of tea. “Thanks. I…” He paused, remembering that first unfortunate use of the magical tool before musing further in a lower tone. “Better than incinerating someone.”

“Yeah, well... That wasn't the best year for us, it’s in the past. I might've been cross with you, but I understood what was going on. Gave those punks a right talking to, I did.”

“No… definitely not, but, guess we all learned some things that day, so maybe it wasn’t a total waste.”

“Yeah, I for one didn't know I could fly that bloody fast. Hooh, goodness gracious, I think that's when I figured out the shadow skating trick.”

“Heh, yeah… that was pretty impressive,” the sentry admitted, it having been perhaps one of the highlights of that tumultuous day.

“Hah, thanks. I sure do make good use of it nowadays — it happens to be a crowd favorite when we perform Shadow Panorama at gigs.”

The mention of gigs earned a mild smile, having enjoyed the few performances he’d been able to make it to, though Papyrus knew Sans went almost religiously. “Would be nice to see that in person sometime. Hopefully schedules align for your next performance.”

“I'm planning a few shows actually. I've got a couple public performances lined up at Espresso Yourself for one. That could work, right?”

Not having much of a life outside of his sentry duties and training with Undyne, the prospect of such a fun evening appealed to Papyrus quite a bit. “More than likely; message me the dates and times so I can put them in my calendar?” he requested politely.

“Sure, as soon as I've sorted some things out with Haldor for the dates, I'll let you know.”

“Sure, no rush at all,” he assured the rockstar regarding those performance dates.

“Right'o~”

Papyrus offered a brief smile and then sighed, setting the water bearing container on the burner eye and turned it on. “But yeah, just something I figured out how to do recently. Thought it might come in handy down the line.” 

Hearing Papyrus detail this development as new and no less _recent_ earned a quirk of Zarc's brow. Usually Papyrus was pretty talented and on the ball with his magic, but the timing here was quite intriguing. “ You too, huh? I've figured some stuff out recently myself. Just a coincidence, I suppose.” Now that was a very un-Sans thing to say.

To the remark regarding his newfound magical developments Papyrus’ head tilted, regarding Zarc with a contemplative expression. “Sans would say there’s no such thing.” He paused for a beat, sighing. “God, I wish Sans were here to say that right now.” Right hand lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose before realizing his face was still tear-streaked, prompting him to go fish a washcloth from the drawer to moisten and wash his face with as they continued talking. 

“D'oh, me and my big mouth, aheh.” Zarc winced slightly. “Yeah, he would.” he added softly. If Papyrus was going to follow along with that string of conversation, Zarc would be there for him, but he wouldn't push it himself.

Papyrus shook his head lightly again. “It’s all right. I mean, it’s _not_ but at the same time, that’s not _your_ fault. It’s _his_. ” There was another heavy sigh, this time dropping his shoulders visibly with some dark inner thought that wasn’t let out just yet.

Zarc nodded, taking in all that Papyrus was saying. “Boy oh boy does he get on our nerves sometimes. But, we love him.”

“More than those words could ever hope to encompass,” Papyrus agreed with a little sigh, his soul aching quietly in his ribs before he took a breath to steady himself away from the worry gnawing away at him.

Zarc retrieved the box of various teas from the cabinet. “Which one do you want?” he asked, leafing through the assortment to find his own preference of the moment. 

“The lavender one,” the skeleton chimed in without hesitation, knowing he really could use its calming properties right about now.

Interestingly enough, lavender was the same tea that Zarc had chosen. “Heh, two lavenders then,” he affirmed, taking two bags from the lot and setting them aside. 

“Heh… great minds think alike?” Papyrus ventured, trying to put a little more humor into his voice than he really felt at the moment. 

“I'd say so, you are the _Great_ Papyrus, after all, ” Zarc responded in kind with a similar level of humor with his voice as a form of encouragement.

It was nice that Zarc seemed to genuinely feel the sentiment behind the moniker he had picked up from the elder brother for the younger, even if Papyrus himself wasn’t feeling particularly great at anything presently. Still, such an honest belief was hard to deny the integrity of, prompting the skeleton to sigh out a little more tension from his joints as he opted to accept the compliment for what it was. “Did you want any sweetener or cream? I was just going to take mine plain.”

“I'll be okay with plain, I'll be making mine stronger though…”

“Is there any other tea besides strong though? I never understood how a monster could drink something that weak and still call it tea.” 

“Dunno, not really? Depends on the mood, I suppose.” The winged man was quite the fiend for tea, Papyrus was already quite knowledgeable of this fact for sure.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true. I just happen to like mine strong. Probably just got used to it from how Undyne’s always made it I suppose,” the sentry ventured with brief thoughtfulness.

“Hah, for sure. She doesn't half do anything, so I've heard,” Zarc said with a brief sigh; he wondered if Undyne had any concept of down time.

“Not even a little,” Papyrus agreed with a touch more humor, having known Undyne for quite some time himself and rarely seen her slow down.

“Then, t'is as we expect it to be, my good man.” Zarc gave Papyrus a nod, and for a moment mulled over some thoughts before picking out an extra bag of lavender tea. “Just in case one isn't enough for me.” Giving Papyrus a light smile, he put away the rest of the teas.

For half a beat the skeleton considered taking another tea bag for himself, but in the end decided he’d just cross that bridge if he came to it. “ _Snow_ problem. ” He sighed briefly at the attempted pun he was sure Sans would have used before continuing. “You already know our house is essentially yours too.”

A smirk emerged on his face having heard Papyrus at least try and lighten up even slightly. “Mine to you as well, just flick me a text whenever and I'll guide you at earliest convenience, like always.”

It was nice to see that his attempt at Sans-like humor cheered the winged monster up. “It’s appreciated.” It’d been a while since he last visited, but the open ended invitation was still filed away for reference. “But on the topic of figuring new things out… Undyne wasn’t too keen to let me help on the frontlines so… thought maybe working on some better support abilities would be worthwhile.” There was another sigh as he rinsed out the cloth and hung it to dry over the sink’s arching faucet. “Not sure I care very much about that right now though,” he admitted in a mildly depressive tone.

“Y'know, I don't really understand her all that much.” Sighing, Zarc brought the tea along, setting it near the boiling kettle for their convenience, retrieving the cups along the way. “You know her better than I do, but, if you'll entertain an outsider's perspective on it; I think it’s because she _emotionally_ doesn't really want you — someone who I'm going to wager is a dear friends at this point — in danger. She's a Kind soul after all. That aside, you're quite capable, so I don't know why she _logically_ wouldn't let you help on the frontlines. ” Shrugging, Zarc leaned on the nearby wall. “But, fair enough. You put in some hard work that in the end didn't feel like it was given due appreciation. It’s okay to feel stung by that.” He offered advice in a supportive tone.

“She… probably doesn’t think I have it in me to hurt someone,” Papyrus admitted after entertaining that notion regarding Undyne from the shadow-shaper as he ventured back over to where the kettle was starting to grumble. “Obviously that wouldn’t be my _preferred_ solution, but… to protect someone? I almost did it once before… pretty sure I could do it again if left with no other choice. ”

Zarc quirked a brow having heard Papyrus' thoughts on Undyne's apparent point of view. “Whaaaaat? Are you kidding? You can _totally_ plain old kick butt though? Since you train with her directly, right? ”

Papyrus’ eye lights drifted back up to meet Zarc’s own gaze with a chagrined expression. “I do,” he affirmed as the musician continued to spool out his thoughts. 

“You can at the very least keep up with her. That string of judgement doesn't make sense,” Zarc mused, folding his arms in thought. “Sometimes Asgore's Royal Guard and the Knights of the other Houses, regrettably, need use force, yeah... That’s just part of the job if the more preferable options aren't working.”

“I just… well, while you know I _can_ use force— ” Here Papyrus conjured up a quick wall of bones midair and a blaster skull that was about a half meter long, instantly vaporizing the conjured bones but nothing more in a rapid show of controlled power. “—but I haven’t really been showing _her_ that because I didn’t want to hurt her — I mean, as you say, she’s a friend after all — and the other week we were training and… it made me hesitate when I should have followed through. Earned me a broken arm for my kindness. ” He sighed, reaching over to habitually rub at his right ulna bone, which while healed did have the faintest traces of a scar along the bone. “Kinda wish I could have gotten a do-over on that one because maybe things would have turned out differently in this recent crisis… at least maybe I could have properly been _there_ for Sans. ”

Allowing Papyrus to simply speak his piece, Zarc was satisfied to simply listen, nodding along here and there, letting out a low impressed whistle at Papyrus' casual show of magical strength and control. He winced upon hearing the younger of the Aster siblings got pretty roughed up. “Oof, that explains a fair bit... Well, think about it like this; don't go for a do-over, just put in more oomph next time you train with her, er, if you do, that is.” Zarc didn't find it viable to simply say it wasn't something to worry about or to talk Papyrus away from this emotion he was feeling. Though the situation was handled — primarily by Zarc and Toriel on their end of the whole debacle — what Papyrus felt was genuine. Being one of three siblings, Zarc could very well _empathize_ with him. “ Mm. I get you.”

Zarc’s recognition of his controlled display did feel a little nice for the skeleton, even if he had to admit that the two people he wanted to show he was thusly capable to were nowhere to be found right now, though particularly his thoughts were on his brother. “Once Sans is home and safe, yeah, I’d still like to continue that, if she’ll have me,” he agreed with a brief nod, thoughtful blues threading through his irises. “Definitely with a little more _backbone_ put into it. ”

“Honestly? She'd be _nuts_ to turn you down. Heheh, show her what for, yeah? ” With a slightly more hearty smile as the mood of the conversation shifted, Zarc couldn't help but chuckle at Papyrus' pun. It was no small wonder Sans liked his puns, especially with Papyrus often encouraging them.

Though the mood of the domicile remained somber, it was nice to allow the conversation to lighten even briefly, the chuckle Papyrus was rewarded with for his mild pun earning a small smile of the skeleton's own even as he nodded. "For sure, once things start to settle back to normal," he affirmed, hoping the winged monster was right in his assessment.

Taking up the kettle just as it started to whistle, the lanky monster moved to fill their cups with the piping hot liquid so the soothing brew could steep. “But, uh… honestly, that’s not why I don’t care about the Guard very much right now,” he admitted, tugging out a chair at the dining room table adjacent the kitchen to take a seat, gesturing to Sans’ usual spot across from him in invitation. “Just seems like if I can’t be there for my own brother when he needs me the most, how can I possibly ever be good enough to be there for anyone else, yanno?”

With a shrug, Zarc stood up straight and stopped leaning on the wall. He motioned for Papyrus to continue speaking, giving undivided attention as the skeleton seemed to have a bit of trouble collecting his thoughts. Carrying his own cup along to the table, using shadowy tendrils to procure some coasters, Zarc sat down in the seat Papyrus gestured to. “Mmm. I hear that. You know how I am with my sisters and Ripley.”

The support was appreciated since it was kind of difficult to admit something Papyrus hadn’t even been able to verbalize for his own brother, but in the end it seemed like Zarc didn’t fully understand what he was trying to say. One skeletal hand curled around the mug, the other picking at the tea bag’s string to dunk it gently in the water. “Just feels… _pointless_. Like a broken pencil. ”

Gently Zarc placed both of his tea bags into his cup, the water swiftly beginning to change, the aroma already becoming quite strong. “True, but we're generally sharper than most, aren't we? A broken pencil is still a pencil, just gotta sharpen up again.”

The sentry took the coaster and slid it under his mug since the pointy eared man had fetched them, looking thoughtful at the idea of being able to just resharpen the pencil. “Maybe you’re right; maybe I’ve just got to sharpen my skills so I can be ready the next time.”

Zarc offered a smile, letting Papyrus once again contemplate the advice that was being given. “Yeah, for sure, I'll back you up. Honestly? The next time Undyne tries to dissuade you from going forward to the front lines? _Ignore her_. ” There was a very strong pause following that, as if that was not something often said _especially_ regarding Undyne. “ I fully mean that by the way. Prove her wrong.”

To the advice Papyrus received regarding actually _ignoring_ his long term mentor, there was a brief, sharp look of surprise from the skeleton as his head jerked up from the contemplation of his steeping tea to regard the winged one opposite him. But the longer he thought about it, the more it made _sense_ , because clearly giving into what she wanted was getting him absolutely _nowhere_. After a few laden beats he finally nodded slowly. “ All right; I will.”

The sentry dunked the tea bag a few more times before stopping and letting it rest, drawing in a deep breath of the soothing lavender aroma. “I’m just…” Teeth worried at each other briefly, eye lights averting to one corner of their sockets. “I’m worried about him? He was already sick and sleepless, and then to just up and vanish like this? I mean, sure, even I need time alone sometimes but, what if he gets worse and nobody’s there to help him? I don’t even have the first clue where to look for him since it’s pretty clear he could be _anywhere_ at this juncture… ”

Allowing his tea to effectively absorb every microscopic ounce of the blend he had chosen, Zarc eventually removed the bags from his cup and leaned back in his chair for a moment. “You and me both. He seemed a lot better after everything was said and done; he wasn't flaking bone shavings by the handful, if that helps. One of Toriel's special pies healed him up pretty good, so there's that. Pretty dense of him to not at least _try_ and have a rest over on that couch. ” Zarc grumbled pointing a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the living room. “You're right though; something about this is even _weirder_ than usual. ”

Seeing that his own tea was properly steeped at this point also, the sentry removed the tea bag after pressing out most of the excess moisture against the inside of the cup, setting it on the spoon he also took out while listening to Zarc’s observations for the elder skeleton. “No, but there was still dust on his chair when I came home,” Papyrus admitted in soft tones, making an idle gesture at the same seat the musician was seated in. “But see, that’s the thing, any other day of the week and I’d be _fighting_ to get him to stop napping on that couch, and now he’s just run off right after being unable to sleep for a week and whatever happened in those mines? It doesn’t feel like him. Yeah, he keeps a lot of stuff upstairs, but this feels… _different_ ,” he ended with a frustrated sigh before taking up his cup to imbibe a mouthful.

Following Papyrus' gesture towards the chair Zarc sat in, the winged man quirked a brow. At least it was cleaned up, bless Papyrus' Soul. “Tch, give him a stern talking to when he shows up again for me will ya?” Zarc rolled his eyes; taking a quick sip of his tea, still a bit too hot to drink at the moment, but the blend was fantastic.

Drawing in a breath, Papyrus sighed a response out somewhat heavily over his mug. “Soon as he's home and I'm assured of his well being? Absolutely.” Given his mentor's typical impatience, the skeleton was quite used to imbibing piping hot tea, though his magic was used lightly to cool it to a comfortable temperature as they conversed.

“Hmm. Say, you know the devices he was working on with Alphys? I'm guessing Sans would've left you one, just in case? Sure, he’s a dope, but he'd have thought of you, right? If you have one it might prove valuable. I started having odd thoughts kind of related to this weirdness I'm feeling after having been exposed to them. In fact I still have mine and... Well, I have quite a few others too, if you feel like borrowing one?”

“Yeah, he left me one; it kind of went a little berserk in Waterfall that day,” he noted with a look of contemplative thought in his eyes. “It's upstairs in my room, but if it might help Sans when he comes home, I wouldn't mind having a spare or two. Just in case.”

“Ah, it seems my hunch was correct. He might leave us in the dark — ironic if it involves me, I know — but he hardly sees it fit to leave us in danger. That device saved lives, you know. Very well. I'll bring a spare one along later today.”

Papyrus managed a brief smile at the cr ****acked humor regarding leaving the shadow shaper in the dark, having to agree that such was indeed ironic. It was a mild comfort to know that his brother’s work had saved lives — Alphys’ too, he supposed — since it had been far too long since the elder skeleton had done work of that nature in his estimation. It was a waste of such a valuable mind, but right now he knew he just wanted Sans to come home in one piece. “ He does great work when he sets his mind to something,” the sentry agreed in a soft voice, wondering if such a device could have saved Sans whatever trouble he was dealing with now. “Thank you. Though, if you’d prefer I could just come with you and take it home? Save you an added trip out of your way.”

“Would be wicked if he did it all the time, but then again, I suppose if he always did that we'd all just have it too easy. Where's the fun in that, eh?” Zarc offered a small smirk. Sans could stand to expend a little bit more effort from time to time. That is, if he could be bothered to stand at the time. “It won't be a problem, I have things to take care of that require traversing the Underground today regardless.” Zarc said, waving away Papyrus' concerns. “To help someone in need isn't going _out of_ my way. That _is_ my way, y'know? ”

There was a small chuckle in response to the idea of Sans setting his mind to something all the time. “Gotta leave some challenge or task for us to do, right?” Papyrus agreed with a lighter tone as well. It was beyond question that his older brother was capable of _so much more_ than he was putting out as of late, but for the moment he just wanted the other skeleton to come home, even if it meant extra work for him. 

“For sure.” Zarc added, seeing no reason to reiterate the obvious statement of 'maybe not randomly disappearing though' because the current situation spoke for itself fairly aptly.

“But yeah, I know what you mean… that’s what Mum would’ve done too.” That her last act had been trying to help another that had refused that help had certainly left Papyrus a lot to think on over the years.

“Y'know, I reckon if she saw you now, she'd be right proud of how grown up you've become.” Without hesitation, Zarc gave Papyrus much needed support; if there was anyone that had walked this world that could instil the younger of the Aster brothers with confidence, it was their mother. It was a shame that Papyrus didn't get to know her for as long as Sans or Zarc himself did. Although; Zarc had a feeling Papyrus had more than enough of a connection to his mother despite those circumstances— they were quite alike, after all. 

That expression of support drew Papyrus’ gaze back up toward Zarc, features shaped thoughtfully but also with a subtle look that blended hope and longing together in near equal measure. “I like to hope so, but… I still feel like I’ve got a long way to go to really live up to what she saw in me all those years ago.” His expression fell slightly, but it was mostly thoughtful rather than doubting. “Thank you though; it means a lot that you feel that way.”

“That may be true, _however_ —” Zarc lifted a finger for a moment's emphasis. “You at least know which way you want to go.” Offering another small smile, Zarc nodded, Papyrus didn't need to thank him, helping out a friend in need and their subsequent shift into as positive of an attitude as possible was thanks enough.

Papyrus considered the elder monster’s input for a few beats before nodding in slow agreement. “Yeah. It’s just taking a while to get there,” he admitted, though it was not a frustrated admission at present but rather more of an honest one. It was really just all the more reason to start making those changes in the present.

It was an odd relief to hear as little inward frustration in Papyrus' tone as possible. There was a chance a lot of frustration was building within Papyrus, and Zarc would view it as healthier to constructively let them out. “At least you'll get there.”

There was a brief pause as the sentry considered the idea of him being able to get to his supposed end goal, weighing the thought against a few things before finally nodding with a soft spoken agreement. “Yeah.” It wouldn’t be sensible to work toward it if he didn’t believe in it being possible, after all. “I might be out for a bit getting groceries, but if I’m not home when you swing by, you can just leave it on the back porch; nobody will bother it there.” Such near guaranteed privacy was one of the perks of being so far on the outskirts of town and on a property covered with trees, and would save them a potential logistical headache.

“Mhm, if you're out when I come around, I could always use the spare key Sans gave me. There is the off chance one of those mischievous forest magpies might take a liking to its shine. I'd rather not lose it to one of those, aheh~”

“Aah, I wasn’t sure if you still had that or not. I’d have left a box for it, but you raise a fair point. Those birds seem to have a sixth sense for shiny things,” Papyrus admitted with a dry little chuckle himself, having found all manner of oddities in those nests during his patrols.

“Of course I'd still have it, it’s an important gift and show of friendship after all.” A toothy smile appeared on Zarc's face for a moment, regarding the hilarious situation involving the key's creation. Zarc wanted to one day recount that tale to Papyrus on the off chance Sans hadn't already.

A lopsided smile shaped the skeleton’s features as the winged one across from him gave such a toothy grin. It was the kind of expression Papyrus recognized and piqued his curiosity, but he opted to inquire at a later time as to the source of it. “True; not something either of us give out lightly.” There was only one monster who had been worthy of it from him, but his friend quota was much more limited than his brother’s, admittedly.

“Hehe~ Remind me to tell you the story about that key one day.” Zarc chuckled, his expression neutralizing once more. “Anyway, that is to be expected, I wouldn't expect either of you to do so without properly thinking things over.”

“Heh, all right,” Papyrus agreed with a mild chuckle of his own. Anything involving his brother was bound to be interesting, but right now he had the feeling such a tale would bring far more heartache than laughter. It could wait. “Mmm, true; we’ve a rather astute and intelligent legacy to live up to, after all,” he ventured in reference to their progenitor, even if he felt Sans had always lived up better to that legacy than himself.

“I think you've lived up to it, the both of you. Okay, this might just seem like an out of the blue aside, but... live for yourselves too.” In fact, this was advice that was given to Zarc upon his own father's passing and the advice came from Papyrus no less! “Sound familiar? Aheheh~” Zarc offered a bit of a cheeky smirk.

Papyrus genuinely wasn’t sure if he was living up to the legacy both their parents had left them, but at the same time it was a kind and appreciated thought from the musician to think so. His brother had _always_ been better than him at just about everything that seemed to matter, though right now he cared less about that and more about the elder skeleton coming home. Those words of wisdom did hit home, however, making the sentry inwardly reflect for a long series of soulbeats as he recalled the circumstances under which they were given. The fact that both their remaining parents had left them in the same year had made it one of the roughest ones he could honestly recall, and the thought that he might lose Sans and be completely alone without any family left made his chest feel tight as his soul beat a quietly fearful song and tears welled up in his eyes. “ Yeah, it does,” came the choked admission.

He took a breath, trying to steady himself from the gradual emotional upheaval that had beset him, but it couldn’t stop the gathered tears from sliding down his cheeks. “I know I’m supposed to be brave, and I’m trying to be, but I’m still scared.” Finger bones creaked around the mug as his grip tightened enough to make the arm bones quiver slightly. “He’s all I’ve got left, and… I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him too.”

Taking a deep breath, Zarc closed his eyes for a moment. “Dad always said that in order to be truly brave, you have to be scared. Bravery is simply the act of moving on despite that fear.” Zarc opened his eyes, a soft supportive expression was shown to Papyrus. “That doesn’t mean that you have to _always_ be moving, it’s okay to want or need help. ”

Papyrus had heard similar phrases over the years as well, but that didn’t make them hold any less weight for the skeleton today as he sighed out a breath over the pale liquid in his mug. “Thank you.” Though simple, the gratitude was heartfelt as always regarding both the sentiment and the support Zarc was offering him in this moment. While there were many times that he was willing to brave the storm alone, right now, he knew that this company was healthier. He just wished Sans felt the same. 

Raising a hand, Zarc showed appreciation for Papyrus' manners. “Not a problem.” In the silence, his tea finally simmered down, and he could properly enjoy it. Giving a slow nod to Papyrus, Zarc allowed him to collect himself if need be. “I think you do know what you'd do... You're just terrified of it. I would be too. I shudder to think what I could end up like if I had nobody left.”

There was a long, pregnant pause as the persistent monster piped up regarding such esoteric knowledge, as it had prompted Papyrus to really look inside himself and realize that he _did_ know what he’d do, even if he had no idea how he might accomplish it.

“You’re right,” he sighed, “I am. Because I’d break the world in two for him, and anyone else who stood between us.” Gaze lifted, but for once those eye lights were gone, the look both haunted and foreboding. “They’d be **dead** were they stood. ”

In the grander scheme of things; Zarc was proud of Papyrus and his acknowledgement of those unfortunately darker thoughts. Still, it was something akin to duty that he wished to steer Papyrus away from that conclusion. “Hrm.” He was no stranger to an ominous vibe, all things considered. “My personal advice, is don't give into that. It is with the Bravery you have fostered within yourself and the Kindness entrusted to you by your mother that you can firmly squash that fear, and eliminate that fear from others.”

Though such openly shown darkness was rare indeed for the normally bright soul that was Papyrus, he felt no shame in his admission to the perceptive man across from him. In fact it was almost relieving to identify such a feeling, because it gave him greater power over it in the long run. Still, it came as no surprise when Zarc initially cautioned him away from following through with such a dark thought, earning a slow nod from the eye light-less skeleton as non-violence was most assuredly his preferred way too, something the winged one no doubt knew intimately as well.

“If, by some tragic circumstance you cannot manage to do that..?” Taking another gulp of tea, Zarc's eyes closed, and his own tone darkened — not so much in a threatening gesture as much as an understanding one. “There will no doubt be **consequences** for their transgressions.” His eyes crackled open, looking off to the side, and out the nearby window. It was unclear what or perhaps _who_ Zarc was looking towards out there, but one thing was clear, there was _someone_ out there well deserving of prodigious levels of ire.

As Zarc continued, however, that darkened tone with its accompanying crackle of power sent a soft shiver down Papyrus’ spine; not out of any fear or concern for his personal well being, but rather just his sensitive nature responding to it with a physical reaction. If anything, such a display bordered on _intoxicating_ to the skeleton, but the sentry took a slow, deep breath, eyes closing for a few soulbeats to center himself and bring those eye lights back into being, the irises an interesting blend of blues and greens. “ I pray the day never comes where those consequences need meting out,” he ventured in a quiet, rather thoughtful tone. “But if it does, I think we’ll both know such penance as we impose will fit the sins committed.”

Eventually drawn back from shooting a trillion yard glare out the window, Zarc's expression softened to a more natural state. He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders before responding to Papyrus' analysis. “A well thought out sentiment. However, why pray for it to never happen when we can do our best to pave a different path to salvation to those Souls blighted by hatred. We're men of action, you and I. We make things happen.” A short chuckle escaped from Zarc, and for nary a nanosecond it was as if several people were laughing, very softly in the background of his own voice. “I'd certainly put it that way, or something similar, yes.”

Those thoughtful hues shifted through his irises like a chrysocolla stone, having to admit that Zarcanis was right. There was a moment more of self reflection, however, some things settling into place that had been waiting for the right force to be applied. “We do… but I think there comes a point where actions can become routine and even the most active can become complacent.” Sighing out a breath, he tipped his mug back to drain the tea from it before setting it back down on the wooden table with a mild but audible tap. “I think I’ve been guilty of that until recently, but that just means an opportunity to make a change, right?” he wondered, pushing away from the table to go and wash his cup and the spoon almost habitually.

Drinking the last bit of his tea, Zarc gave Papyrus a short nod. “Sure enough, but we aren't exactly caught unawares by the threat of such complacency either.” In unison with Papyrus, Zarc also set his cup back down. “Especially now, given your realization.”

Papyrus considered the rockstar’s words, weighing them and finding them to have validity, particularly in light of his recent realizations. It earned a soft nod of agreement, reflecting that at least now, having an awareness of this truth, he could act to change it, and make a real difference once more.

Twirling a finger, Zarc summoned up tangible threads of velvety darkness that would gracefully swirl his cup and spoon around him as he waited for Papyrus to be done with his dishes so that Zarc could handle his own, it was a habit ingrained into him to clean up after himself. “I gathered my band together to do just that; make a change.” He let out a contented sigh. “I think we've done well so far.”

Since it was merely a handful of dishes, the skeleton just ran the tap for a bit until it was warm, using the sponge and some of the liquid soap to wash the items after discarding the used tea bag in the compost bin. “I’m inclined to agree; it’s been really nice seeing someone using their fame for the benefit of the majority.” There might have been an implicit slur toward someone or something else, but it was difficult to say. Either way, it wasn’t but a minute or so before the sentry moved out of the way upon rising his dishes and setting them on the drying rack, taking up the towel nearby to dry his hands while Zarc washed his dishes and offering it to the winged monster afterwards for his own hands. 

Following shortly after Papyrus, Zarc moved to clean up his dishes and clear out the workstation with ease. The winged man rolled his eyes in tandem with Papyrus' subtle jab. “I bet you he'll readily and 'confidently' try and stir up trouble about Asgore sometime soon. Just you watch, he's truly _sour_ enough to try that. ” Zarc's wings twitched in frustration. He truly wished a certain rolling bucket of trash hadn't sullied the world of stardom that his mentor Serena Stardrive, the _**true number one**_ , left behind for the new generation of performers and artists. “Blech.” With a retching noise, Zarc shuddered before straightening out again.

It was kind of amusing how readily that the rockstar picked up on just _who_ Papyrus was talking about, earning a quirky smile from the skeleton before it shifted into one of empathy, for one bad apple really could sour the bunch. “ Given his thirst for drama, I won’t deny that possibility, but at the same time, I don’t exactly have the deepest fondness for Asgore either… both of them could stand to be given a reality check in my opinion.” He knew such talk wasn’t popular given just how much of the Underground supported their King’s war against humanity to break the Barrier and set them all free, but the idea of killing others for freedom… it just didn’t sit right with him.

“By the Void beyond; I cannot wait for the pair of them to get a reality check.” Zarc rolled his eyes. Not wanting to keep the conversation on a certain over-oiled gunky grease machine, or the fact that the scruffy bearded twit of a king was being ridiculously overbearing as of late; Zarc decided not to voice his opinion. Neither of these fine young men saw it as a constructive use of their time to spiral into a pit of complaining after all.

“Agreed; but karma always comes to collect its debt, does it not?” Papyrus mused aloud, not particularly expecting a detailed answer from his companion if indeed one at all. It was simply a reassuring thought that no monster could run away from consequences forever.

To Papyrus' assessment of karma, Zarc nodded in the manner a wise old sage would. If there was anyone around that knew how things were with karma beyond the effects of the Purple Magic spectrum, it was Zarc, for sure. “It does, no doubt about it.”

“Then in this I can be patient and put my focus someplace it’s more productive. Everything in its due time.” Sure, the status quo had held for quite a while, but given recent events the skeleton had a sneaking suspicion — even a downright feeling in his bones — that they wouldn’t stay the same for much longer.

“Surely you'll be able to make something great happen.” One could call it a hunch, but Zarc was having a bit of deja vu as of late, so he paused for a moment. Things certainly were getting weird lately.

The winged rockstar wasn’t the only one who’d been experiencing such moments of deja vu and other sorts of insights as of late, but for now such visions were not yet clear enough to inspire complete confidence with which to act. But still, Papyrus was a monster who thrived off instinct and intuition, so there were still times that those glimpses inspired him to do something, and lately something had been urging him to step up his game, so such an observation earned a soft nod that was half reflective. “In time with hard work, surely,” he agreed, knowing they’d both put in a great deal of hard work in their respective crafts already. 

Speaking of, a glance at the clock showed him that he’d taken up a fair bit of that valuable time already, but he knew he still had one more request to make before the other departed. “I know you’ve got stuff to go and do today, so I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but… before you go, I was wondering if I might impose upon you for one more favor?” He paused to look up in an effort to meet the slightly taller monster’s gaze, his own expression mixed but mostly one of askance as he sought affirmation. “I could… really use a hug right now.”

After finishing with the dishes, Zarc once again moved without a second thought. With a soft smile, he held his arms out, taking a step as he motioned for Papyrus to come forward too. “C'mon, bring it in.”

There was a subtle release of tension from the skeleton’s shoulders as his winged companion moved to grant that request, Papyrus stepping in without a second thought to wrap his arms about someone he could almost consider a brother in his own right. Those slender limbs slid beneath the wings, fingers absently brushing where they emerged from the back of the elder man’s clothing. Head turned to lay cheekbone against the firm chest, eyes closing as he gave himself into that embrace as much as he freely returned it, breathing measured for a few beats before the skeleton’s insides untangled enough to allow him to process a few more emotions out in the form of quiet tears. It wasn’t harsh sobbing by any means, but the soft sounds would no doubt be understood for what they were by the perceptive fashionista: an attempt to empty himself enough to reach some form of equilibrium.

Zarc responded to Papyrus' hug with just a smidge more energy than usual, a physical confirmation that he would be there within reach if needed in the future— be it the near future or otherwise. For as long as Papyrus needed this support, Zarc would provide it.

Being able to express those complex feelings so openly with his companion and have such support through them did a lot to soothe the skeleton’s psyche, allowing him to process a number of them out until he reached a calmer state of balance within himself that let him look at the situation more rationally and less emotionally. There were still a lot of emotions involved — it was his brother, after all — but they weren’t nearly so overwhelming now, and that release left Papyrus able to feel more hopeful for his brother’s eventual return once that briefly stated task was done. “Thanks,” he murmured, sniffling slightly before pulling back and grabbing the towel to use on his face, wiping the tears away and breathing out a little sigh into it. “Needed that.”

Zarc let Papyrus go, but rested a hand on the skeleton's shoulder for a moment. “Not a problem at all~” After a reassuring pat on the shoulder, Zarc rested his hands on his hips; allowing Papyrus to retrieve a face towel. “If you need anything at any time, just give me a call or send a text.”

It meant a lot to the youngest Aster child that his present companion was willing to express himself just as openly in those little touches in the moment. They weren’t quite his brother’s, but they came close enough right now. “Mmm…” he hummed softly while wiping his face with that towel before lowering it with a little sigh. “Being honest, the only thing I _really_ need is Sans to come home in one piece. ”

Zarc nodded. “I don't blame you one bit.” Despite his reliability, Papyrus was facing quite the challenge now. He held quite a lot together for almost more than a decade, but Sans was _always there_.

The skeleton offered his more fleshy companion a small smile, appreciative of the support and understanding, still putting on a brave face. “But, until then, I’d better keep up my end of the household and get this laundry swapped and go get groceries from downtown.”

“You'll do fine, you've been responsible for a lot ever since you were barely up to your own present knee in height.”

“Mmm, true enough,” Papyrus agreed as he moved to put the soiled towel in a nearby hidden hamper for such things. “I really appreciate your coming over, though; I know you didn’t have to do that, and if Sans were here I’m sure he’d appreciate it too.”

“I'll leave you to it then.” Zarc stretched for a moment then let his hands hang by his sides now. “Sure, didn't _have to_ , but I _wanted to_. Helping people isn't a chore, it’s just how nature should be. ”

It meant a lot to Papyrus that Zarc cared enough to _want_ to come over as he had. Sure, the younger monster considered the other to be more his brother’s friend than his, but there were still aspects of their relationship that he was grateful to have. “ If only more monsters would think like that,” he ventured, hoping that maybe one day he might be so fortunate as to inspire others the way his mother had prior to her passing.

As he wandered towards the door, Zarc paused and looked over his shoulder. “I suppose he will.” **Will** being the key word here. “ Ciao~” He waved, gently opening the front door as he did so.

Papyrus followed his guest over to the door habitually, since such was just good manners even if they were welcome in the home as adopted family in a way. The assertion made him pause as those ruby eyes met his amber ones, though after a beat his smile deepened a little, expression more hopeful. “I’ll be sure to let him know when I give him that stern talking to later.” He lifted his hand in a wave. “Ciao~” he replied in kind, stepping up to catch the door as the winged monster made his exit.

With one graceful, purposeful flap of his wings, the wondrous shadowmancer was on his way…

For a few beats the sentry watched that shadowy form depart into the distance above the tall treetops and the light of the sun still pouring in through the large crack across the ceiling, reflecting briefly on all that had been said. There was certainly a lot of ground that had been covered, with a lot more that no doubt he’d need to cover on his own, but for now duty called, so Papyrus turned back inside, the door shut behind him with an uncomfortable feeling of finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written in collaboration with a Zarc's player.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still trying to take things one day at a time and keep up with his duty, Papyrus continues to put on a brave face for his brother as the days of radio silence from Sans continue to add up.

Monday   
17th August UUY 1

The day had dawned as if nothing were out of the ordinary, life proceeding onward in its steadfast manner without regard to individual events that so far as the grand play of the universe was concerned were insignificant and unremarkable. Birds were singing in the trees, clouds wafted across the cr ****acked ceiling being steadily repaired, the air was starting to cool toward more familiar temperatures for the once snowed in province, and for the most part monsterkind was starting to get back to business as usual as the proverbial dust began to settle.

Papyrus was trying hard to put on a brave face and act as though everything _was_ normal.

Certainly Zarc’s visit yesterday had helped allay a certain measure of the skeleton’s worries and fears, but even as warm and genuine as they were, such comforts were unable to fully dispel the feeling deep inside his bones that something was genuinely amiss when it came to his brother. Of course there was little that the younger Aster sibling could do regarding such insights, given that Sans was nowhere to be found in any of his usual haunts, particularly since he did have a sentry shift to show up for today. The elder skeleton was for all intents and purposes beyond his reach until such a time as he decided to grace their shared home once again with his presence.

Papyrus rolled onto his back in Sans’ bed to stare at the ceiling, one forearm draped across his forehead as his dimmed eye lights only half focused on the plain white surface above him, the soft glow of dawn providing a faint illumination through the window above and behind him. His phone’s alarm hadn’t yet gone off, but he knew that it would soon, demanding that he leave the cool comforts of his sibling’s sleeping surface to shower and prepare for yet another day of tasks that felt rather meaningless at present.

_Just because Sans isn’t here doesn’t mean you should take his place._

There was a soft sigh that fell from the lanky skeleton’s nasal cavity. _I know,_ he acknowledged that more logical inner voice, _but I can’t help but worry about the possibility of him not coming back. I… well, I’d say I don’t know what I’d do, but obviously I do and I don’t like it._

_You still have a choice in your actions. Maybe less so how his actions have made you feel, but you can decide how you are going to act in response to them._

Another sigh escaped Papyrus as his eyes rolled shut again, wishing that he could just stay in bed and forget the world outside until Sans came home. But that wasn’t a realistic ideal; there were still bills to pay and responsibilities to be met, whether he wanted to or not. It wouldn’t do to have Sans come home and see that he’d just shut down in that absence. It wouldn’t do a great deal to instill confidence in the elder as to his being good enough, and in fact would likely have the opposite effect.

_I really hate how often you’re right._

_I know, but technically since I’m you, that means_ you’re _right too, you know. I’m just the more logical half of your self being expressed independently within your mindscape. You already know all this, I’m just the voice that reminds you of it, even when you hate it._

_Yeah; doesn’t make it suck any less when I want to be emotional and childish about something though. Still, it’s true, much as I’d like to just wait here in vigilance for him to come home, it won’t be very productive and would just validate his viewpoint that I’m not good enough to share those burdens with him._ With another, heavier sigh, Papyrus tossed the covers aside and made himself roll into a seated position on the side of the bed, legs stretched out and crossed loosely in front of him. He ran his hands over his face, bones clacking together lightly before finally reaching down to unplug his mobile from the charger and dismiss the alarm before it could go off, pushing himself out of bed.

_All the more reason to prove yourself independent and capable, right?_

_Essentially,_ Papyrus agreed as he moved past that self sustaining tornado and into the adjacent washroom to cleanse himself in preparation of the day. As ever the hot water did feel good on his bones as he scrubbed the prior day’s debris away, leaving him feeling at least a little lighter and more centered as he took the time to empty his mind under the heavy flow. Maintaining reasonable hygiene in general helped him feel better, though it certainly couldn’t diminish the full weight of his worries. It was still something that helped him put on that brave mask as he prepared for his day, donning the familiar costume once more in an effort to appear as though things were business as usual for the typically optimistic monster, even if in reality nothing could be further from the truth.

A simple, cold breakfast and coffee were the final preparations for the day, the kitchen and dining area left spic and span in the aftermath. Such habitual domestic actions further helped to solidify the facade that Papyrus had put on for the benefit of going out into public. His scheduled route would take him through the southern outskirts of Snowdin Town and the connected forest, but for once the social skeleton was glad that it’d allow him to avoid most people interaction as he double checked and calibrated the puzzles and traps along the way.

Soon he was out the door, leaving that subtly somber silence to settle over their home again.

* * *

Steam wafted up from the mug held between Papyrus’ hands as he sat on the back stoop, gaze turned up toward the gap in the ceiling. Significant progress had been made on those repairs today, and the night air definitely was noticeably cooler for those efforts, though not quite yet below freezing. A sigh escaped the skeleton as he soaked in that celestial view that was still available to him, knowing that would soon be gone and all they’d be left with once more were the immobile ceiling stars. Certainly those glittering gems were beautiful in their own right, enchanted to cast a pale, twinkling light from where they were inset into the rocky face of the various cavern domes that were the closest thing monsterkind had to a sky. But to have seen the real, _actual_ sky for a change instead of the paltry imitation of it, the skeleton couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of longing for freedom.

Such efforts had cost him so much already, but Papyrus knew that he still wanted it. Because it would mean that their actions, their sacrifices had not been in vain. That would be the greatest way to honor their memory that the lanky skeleton could think of. He just wished that Asgore agreed with such a sentiment, and that he’d been able to keep Sans from giving up as well.

Taking a sip from his mug, the sentry set it aside to fish out his phone from his pocket, opening the camera app with a sudden urge. He made a few minor adjustments to the settings before holding it up steadily, framing the starry sight above in the viewfinder and then taking a shot with some extra exposure to bring out as many of those twinkling details as he could. Inspecting it after processing earned a soft smile, since it was at least a nice memory to capture before it went away forever. He took opened up Sans’ message thread and attached the image to it, sending it off with an accompanying text:

[Didn’t think it was right for me to hog this amazing view all to myself. ✨ Enjoy~]

Truthfully, the sentiment he _wanted_ to express felt a little too clingy, so this one would have to do. It didn’t take long for the attachment to upload to the cellular network, but rather than get his hopes up for a reply he simply locked the screen again, tucking it back away in his pocket. “ Wish you were here, brother,” he mused softly aloud as he picked his mug of tea back up, imbibing another swallow. “I’d almost trade the snow for the stars, but I think that’d be kind of selfish for all the other monsters who need the cold. Still, some good came out of all the chaos, right? Maybe seeing a glimpse of the free and open sky will give monsters hope again, motivate some to work toward alternative means to break the Barrier like you and Papa used to do.” He lifted the mug up to his teeth, taking another swig of the soothing herbal brew. “It’d be pretty amazing to see you have another crack at it too, but that can wait until you’re home and healthy again. I won’t even care if you track mud inside.”

Eyes closed as his skull tapped lightly against the side of the house behind him, cup lowered to idly rest against his pelvis as he took another breath to sigh out. It was almost possible to pretend Sans was there with him, to imagine what his mother and father would have been doing were they still walking among them on this plane of existence rather than on any other they might presently be inhabiting. Gaster would have been in the armchair in the living room reading, or alternatively — and perhaps more likely — upstairs in the study pouring over notes and working on one of the various formulas and theorems he’d supposed while engaged with Project ABySS. Allura would have cleaned up supper and packed them all lunch for the next day before likely coming out to join Papyrus on the back porch with some tea of her own. He’d have helped her of course, as more hands always made for light work, but lunch had been rather optional as of late for him, breakfast and dinner having been more than enough with coffee in between.

Sans would have been with their father, or maybe working on something in the attached lab.

Papyrus really missed all those late night conversations he’d overheard every night while laying in bed prior to the accident with that project. Sans had been so passionate back then, the both of them full of life as they pressed onward in the name of science and the memory of a departed wife and mother. It had been an inevitable spiral into oblivion for the once motivated scientist after that, and the younger son of that first Royal Scientist couldn’t help but feel he should have been able to do something more to stop the elder from succumbing to that devouring depression. 

In truth, such a troubling state of mind was one of the reasons the sentry was so worried about his brother, seeing as monster’s overall resilience depended upon their morale and hope, and Sans had been slowly losing both over the years. It made Papyrus more than a little resentful toward their long term monarch for his role in gradually robbing his sibling of that purpose over the years until there was literally nothing left, both in terms of Crown provided resources and resolve to keep trying with what they’d been able to scrape together on their own.

“You’re not exactly in a position to change that right now, Pap,” he mused aloud to himself, opening his eyes and leaning forward just a bit so he could take another long swallow from the mug, nearly draining it. “And frankly, it’s a long road to even come close, so maybe you should think about setting a more realistic goal.”

Papyrus knew he wasn’t very good at setting realistic goals.

Draining his cup of the last of that calming brew, the skeleton sat there for several long minutes, just looking up at the stars and letting his mind wander lightly as he breathed meditatively in that time. It was so easy to connect the dots of light into patterns that he’d seen in astronomy books that had fallen from the Surface, and he reflected on the knowledge that he was looking back in time, the luminance from those distant, fiery spheres countless years old.

It occurred to him that life was much the same, in that you could only connect the dots when looking backwards in time at them, and never when going forward. Forward was into the unknown, so you had to trust that those dots would connect when looking back, without being able to ever know for sure with each step you took toward any given goal. It was perhaps the bravest thing someone could do, to set a goal and take steps toward it, not knowing if they would succeed, only being able to test things out as one went and attempt to make course corrections based on results.

Pushing himself upright from his seat on that stoop, Papyrus finally tore his gaze away from the glistening stellar sight and headed back inside, knowing he had yet another long day ahead of him tomorrow. It wouldn’t be long before that cup was washed and the lights within those walls were shut off one by one as he moved through them in preparation for sleep. The unknown that was before him, an indefinite future without Sans, was frightening indeed. But he knew that he had to trust in his brother, no matter how terrifying the idea of a reality without him was, he had to believe that Sans would come home and things would come together as they were meant to.

Eyes closed as he curled beneath the covers inside Sans’ comfortingly cool bed, still hugging the jacket he hadn’t washed as his mind started to drift down into the darkness. He could almost hear that familiar voice murmuring one of those cherished stories, a bright spot in an otherwise dark night. There were so many unknowns before him, having expected his brother’s return by now given the contents of that brief note, but it would do him no good to dwell on all those fears lurking at the edges of his psyche. He would acknowledge them, even at times address them, but the bravest thing he could do for his brother was to keep moving forward into that unknowable future, simply taking things as they came.

One day at a time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another patrol, another brave mask. But this one may crumble as Papyrus makes a very disturbing discovery while covering Sans' shift.

Tuesday   
18th August UUY 1

Consciousness crept upon Papyrus once more in advance of his alarm going off, though the first thing he noticed as his eyes slid open was the sight of his own breath pluming gently above him in the twilit morning air. The second was that his face felt rather cold compared to the rest of him. The third was that the window behind him was frosted over, preventing a proper look out into their tree encircled backyard.

“Well, I guess winter is coming,” he ruminated aloud somewhat wryly.

The skeleton knew, technically speaking, that it was the complete opposite season on the Surface, but in the Underground that hardly mattered, given that prior to the ceiling’s breaking that Snowdin had enjoyed an eternal winter, though they cycled through the seasonal decorations around the town just like other provinces did, even Woodland where it was always like late spring or early summer.

Concern knit his brow bones briefly as he really reflected on the fact that their house had apparently grown cold enough overnight to let his breath mist out before him, prompting the lanky monster to eject himself from the comforts of his brother’s bed and make his way into the washroom, gently turning on the hot tap at the porcelain sink. Much to his relief the enchantments to keep them from freezing and bursting apparently had held, despite not having been tested in quite some time, since they usually kept the home a much more comfortable temperature. It didn’t so much bother the skeletal family, given their perception of temperature was so different to monsters with skin, but it was still nice to come home to, particularly after a long, frigid shift. Temperatures were certainly capable of affecting them, it just tended to take longer and require more extreme ends of the spectrum to particularly bother them.

Since the water heater was still doing its job, the skeleton shucked his pajamas into the hamper before hopping into the shower, enjoying the heated liquid for a bit until he deemed himself properly cleansed and once more braved the rather polar opposite temperatures outside the washroom once he was done. Given the abrupt change in temperature he opted for a thermal layer beneath his usual uniform, already knowing he was going to be out in the elements for most of the day. The last thing he wanted to do was risk coming down sick while trying to be ready for his brother to show up back home at any time.

By the time he was dressed, his phone’s alarm went off in the other bedroom, forcing the skeleton to go and grab the device to silence it and also pocket it after finding — to nobody’s surprise — there were no new messages to be had from anybody, but particularly from Sans. It was disappointing, but he opted not to dwell on it as he descended the stairs to make himself a bowl of hot oatmeal today instead of the cold cereal he’d been having, having a glass of milk to wash the sticky cereal down before making himself a single portable serving of coffee to take with him in an insulated tumbler.

Stepping outside into the early morning chill told him that was the right decision as the arctic air slapped his cheekbones heartily. There was no snow on the ground presently, but a fine layer of frost coated everything from the freezing temperatures alone, encasing many of those tentative blossoms in crystalline constructs where they’d emerged from their waking parent tree. Papyrus almost felt sad for them, being snuffed before they could truly prosper, but it really had never been meant to be, since spring should never have come to Snowdin to allow it in the first place. Those deciduous trees would soon return to their eternal slumber and things would be back to the way they ever were, that week long heat wave to become an oddity in the annals of Snowdin’s history.

It was strange to think that life moved on just like that, Papyrus reflected as he locked up the house and moved down the curving path to reach the proper road, but it had been shown to him time and again as he poured over many different historical texts, so he didn’t count on this incident to be all that different in the grand scheme.

The jog to the starting point for his shift left him with a little more time to wax philosophical in his trek, but soon the skeleton’s mind turned to more pertinent topics, such as recalibrating some rather finicky puzzles and ensuring that there were no suspicious persons — monsters or humans — along his route, routine taking over and letting him empty his mind for a few merciful hours.

* * *

Several hours later saw Papyrus completing his duties and shift for that day, the daystar already on its descent as thick clouds gathered along the high cavern ceiling that had been repaired all the way to Waterfall at this point, leaving only a distant glimmer of celeste on the far eastern horizon. The province hadn’t warmed up any further either, and if the sentry had to guess he thought it had actually gotten _colder_ as the day went along, the clouds gathering as the ceiling was steadily repaired, leaving the wintry villa without that celestial view anymore. It was bittersweet for him, because he knew it was needed for all the monsters that keenly relied on such chilled environments, but at the same time he was definitely going to miss seeing those actual stars every night, even if Snowdin had been more like Slushedin or Waterlogged, particularly since the few weather fronts that had tried to form had all dropped rain instead of snow, rather more like Woodland in that span of time than Snowdin.

These clouds, however, definitely held a much needed promise of snow.

Pulling out his phone to check it rather habitually, the skeleton was greeted with the reminder of Sans’ scheduled sentry shift, set immediately after his own. It wasn’t often that their shifts kept them apart like this, since they made a concerted effort to have dinner together most nights, along with that habitual storytelling that always gave Papyrus a sense of peace that allowed him to get to sleep deeply and well, along with just being a genuinely nice chance to spend time with his brother.

Tonight however, would have been one of those nights where they’d have worked things out kind of on the fly, typically with Sans taking one of his shortcuts home for dinner on his meal break, along with often reading to the younger brother during one of the shorter breaks. Strictly speaking it was bending the rules a bit — potentially breaking them more in others — but since time together with his brother was always a top priority, Papyrus never chided Sans for those infractions.

Looking down at the phone in one hand, the sentry paused to tap at his teeth thoughtfully with the other, briefly debating with himself how best to handle the situation. It really didn’t take long for him to decide just to cover it for his brother, given that they could certainly use the pay, and the ivory monster admitted he wasn’t really going to do anything noteworthy when he got home anyway. At least this would be a productive use of his time.

“Sans’ll just have to owe me,” he noted aloud in an attempt at humor, since really he didn’t feel like his brother would owe him much of anything except to come home safely.

With a course of action decided, Papyrus pulled up Undyne’s message thread to drop her a note regarding the change, since it’d mean the report would come from him, and his usual report would be a bit delayed as he worked this double shift.

[Sans is still under the weather, so gonna take his shift tonight. Will report on both when done.]

Papyrus supposed that might technically be a lie, but at the same time, the last time he’d seen Sans on Friday the elder monster had certainly been sick indeed, so that was strictly speaking the last intel he had regarding his brother.

He really hoped it wasn’t true though, and that Sans wasn’t sick anymore.

Not waiting for a reply from the Captain regarding the shift coverage, the lanky sentry pocketed his phone once more, long strides carrying him across the familiar paths and lanes through the forest, even if it did look strange indeed without its traditional covering of white. Given that he was already in the southwestern outskirts of forest around the town, it didn’t take him overly long to reach his sibling’s station. Like the forest, it too looked kind of naked without the usual layer of thick snow atop it, but even as he stood there regarding it and thinking about that fact, as if on cue, a gentle dusting of that soft, white powder began to fall from those gathered clouds to gift that surface with its covering once more.

“Huh. Guess the universe is feeling incidental today.” Honestly, it was probably the nicest thing that had happened to him in the past few days, since the snow always reminded him of his brother. It did make him wish that much more that Sans was here to enjoy this first snow with him, since it was yet another sign of the world returning to normal for monsterkind as a whole, even if Papyrus’ life still felt completely upside down in that absence.

Such a desire to want to share this moment with his missing family prompted him to pull out his phone again, taking both a carefully framed picture of the sentry station with its light dusting of snow gathered on it and a short video of around ten seconds, both of which he attached to a new message for Sans:

[Finally getting some fresh snow; now your sentry station won’t look so bare bones!]

“Though, really, it’s kind of bare without your bones,” he admitted aloud as he sent that message off, pocketing the mobile device once more.

Strictly speaking, for his brother’s shift all Papyrus really needed to do was stay at this station with some light patrols in the general vicinity to check for suspicious activity, which compared to the long haul he’d done for his own shift was child’s play. Still, he had to admit — at least to himself — that after several hours on his feet, he wasn’t against the idea of sitting down for a little bit and resting.

Bones creaked audibly as if to express their relief when he slipped into the sentry station and sank into the chair that Sans kept there for his own use. The open sided station didn’t provide much respite from the elements, but it did let Papyrus watch the snowfall just beyond the coverage that peaked roof provided, the wind only picking up intermittently to waft through the branches around him. It was surprisingly tranquil, almost meditative. Certainly more at peace that he felt presently, but he knew how quickly the weather could turn foul when it had a mind to.

His gaze drifted down to the shelving below the little desk that had been built into the station, a soft snort of amusement escaping him as he spied the bottles of ketchup, mustard, and relish arrayed there for the elder’s use. Truth be told, he was fairly certain that Sans didn’t have the proper business permits to operate a hot dog stand at the various places he set up shop across the Underground, but those efforts did help bring in just a little bit extra that let them enjoy life a smidge more than they might otherwise on their two sentry salaries alone. Certainly the money from those jobs wasn’t _bad_ by any means, but it was nice to be able to save up for those little extras now and then, like a trip to the Capital to see a movie in the big theater there, or get something extra nice for each other on Gyftmas or their respective birthdays.

Something blue behind those bottles caught his eye, pulling him from those thoughts.

Papyrus felt his soul quicken as he leaned forward, gently nudging the bottles out of the way so he could reach that cerulean object that had been shoved in behind them, rather like it had been intentionally hidden. A familiar soft fabric met his phalanges as he grabbed it, pulling it free from the confines of that cubby to look at properly. His heart sank and quivered as it proved to be exactly what he’d been afraid of: Sans’ hoodie. To make matters worse, however, was the long gash down the back of it that went clean through the outer and inner fabrics, almost running the entire length of the garment, a light coating of familiar ossein dust lining the interior almost as much as the fleecing.

“Oh, god, no…” he breathed, a sudden band of tension around his chest making it difficult to take another breath. All the fears he’d managed to tuck away in a neat little box clawed their way back out, making his mind whirl with numerous dark possibilities. It was pretty obvious that the jacket had been hidden here intentionally, and Papyrus remembered that there had been one missing when he’d gathered up that laundry on Friday, which meant that Sans had likely taken that missing one to replace this damaged one, clearly thinking that hiding it here would keep the younger from finding it. Or at least, that likely would have been the case had the lankier Aster offspring not felt obligated to cover the shorter one’s shift for him today.

The possibility that Sans might not be coming back loomed ominously inside his skull.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no…” he babbled quietly to himself in breathless denial, the idea that he might be all alone in this world making something inside feel like it was ready to crack in two. Papyrus buried his face in the torn coat’s ruffed hood, breathing in the familiar scent before letting out a muffled cry that was equal parts angry and anguished. He felt cheated, and the reality of his not having managed to yet be _good enough_ for his brother felt like a death knell on any further opportunity to meet those occluded requirements. As if in answer to his emotional turmoil, the gentle snowfall grew heavier, a stiff breeze suddenly stirring up within the trees to moan ominously and send several flurries into that station, bathing his exposed bones in a frosty touch.

His rib cage heaved as he tried to catch his breath, trembling hands lowering the hoodie to his lap and one fishing out his phone once again. This time, however, instead of messaging his brother via text, Papyrus actually dialed his phone instead, lifting his bar-styled mobile to his ear hole to listen, praying for it to ring. Such a hopeful wish would not be answered today unfortunately as it went straight to voicemail, the familiar voice sounding far too cheery for how he felt right in this moment.

_Heya. Seems that you've reached my phone sans me. S'okay, though. Just leaf your message after the beep and I'll get back to ya._

Papyrus didn’t think he’d ever wanted to scream at that answering message more in his life.

The normally expressive skeleton managed to reel in all of those storming emotions inside by the time that prerecorded line was done, however, complete with the whoopee cushion blat in place of a proper and regular beep. Instead of the angry and scared message that he _wanted_ to leave, the sentry forced a smile so it would pick up in his voice as he left a much more innocuous one instead: 

“Hey, just thought I’d let you know I’ve got your shift covered for tonight, so you can focus on that stuff your note said you had to take care of. Looking forward to catching up on those bedtime stories soon when that’s all said and done. Don’t have too much fun without me, yeah? Anyway, gotta keep an eye socket out for anything weird, so I’ll catch you later.”

No sooner had the skeleton hit the End Call button than that smile vanished into a much more worried grimace, bones rattling as he made himself take a breath to exhale slowly, trying to keep that cyclonic psyche from spiraling out of control. It truly didn’t help much, but it gave him enough time to lock and stow his phone back in its pocket before he let himself bury his face again in that jacket, openly sobbing into the fabric that always smelled like home but right now just made him realize how deep his fear of loss ran in this moment.

The wind that had died down while he’d made that phone call picked back up, rustling through the trees and rattling the sentry station sheltering him. The snow fell in heavier sheets too, gusts pushing drifts of it into the boxy structure to gather in little piles around his feet and the chair’s. It wasn’t particularly important right now as he vented out the much more emotional storm inside, curling in on himself and the jacket as he brought his heels up to rest on the edge of the chair with thighs coming up against his battle body’s chest piece. That harsh gale seemed to echo his sobbing sounds and the heavier snow his profuse tears as his mind both ran rampant and also shut down.

A gamut of worst case scenarios washed through his mind, but also dozens of questions as well, wishing he’d asked Zarc for more details about those events that had apparently come far closer to ending Sans’ life than he’d heretofore realized. There hadn’t been any blood on the coat, which was a mercy, but there was certainly a copious amount of dust from when the elder had been chalking away. Despite the musician’s assurance of Sans’ being healed by the nurturing goat monster, there was no denying the fact that his brother had been actively trying to hide this garment from him, which meant whatever had caused it had to be pretty damn awful.

He just wished that Sans would come home so they could sort out everything together.

The idea that Sans might not ate away at him instead however.

Papyrus couldn’t say how long he sat there and vented that storm of emotions out whilst a near blizzard torrented down around him, save for the fact that it was significantly darker by the time such a passionate outburst waned, the snow squall ebbing too into a much gentler flow. He sat there for a bit longer, just breathing and existing as he tried to find some form of equilibrium and inner peace. Alas, all his logic felt flat and hollow, providing little comfort to him in this moment despite much of it being technically sound.

In the end, he simply stayed there at the familiar sentry station for the duration of his brother’s shift, holding onto that torn jacket like it might dissolve into dust as well if he didn’t, a sensation of numbed emptiness leaving him feeling adrift and lost. The world was white again by the time that duty was done, his boots crunching softly in the fresh powder as he plodded the shortest route home he possibly could, barely feeling the cold that had sunk into all his bones and their marrow. As promised, he filed the reports from his computer for both those shifts, but they were decidedly devoid of his usual amount of detail when they were sent off. Dinner held no appeal for the skeleton either, despite having not eaten since breakfast early that morning, resulting in him simply exchanging his garments for a pair of pajama bottoms — he didn’t even bother with a shirt — before finally shutting off all the lights and crawling into Sans’ bed, grateful when oblivion finally claimed his mind.

Tonight Papyrus was okay with having only done the bare minimum.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dread turns into dreams, leading Papyrus to try and ward off thinking about the reality that looms ever nearer the longer that absence continues with domestic duties, hoping the act of near normalcy will quell the tremulous ache in his soul.

[[Undertale] Believe In You - A Bonetrousle Arrangement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxKOpGigBDs)

A world of white engulfed him, buffeting gusts and thick flurries of snow washing over his frame in disorienting waves as he stumbled through them, a cherished name resonating out from the skeleton time and time again into the achromatic abyss that had no reply other than the sound of the wind to give. Numbed hands held fast to a blue jacket, the scarf wrapped around those cervical vertebrae whipping through the breeze like a quiet cry for help of its own as the lanky monster waded through snow drifts that came up to his knees.

With such unchanging alabaster all around, the passage of time could not be properly marked, but for a while the searcher persisted with couraged resolve, braving the elements and attempting to bring the one he was seeking back into those bony arms. Eventually, however, those steps began to stumble, weariness and the weather taking their toll on the skeleton inexorably whilst he searched. Such missteps gradually led into greater ones, a trail of odd holes left behind in the thick mounds of icy powder as he fell and got up, again and again and again.

Ultimately even such bravery was not enough to fight the rising tide of entropy, the ossein monster crawling through the snow for several heart wrenching meters more before those trembling bones gave out. A soft sound that might have been a sob rose up only to be torn away by the wind, that persistent precipitation continuing to fall and bury the lost soul in the same whiteness he’d been foolish enough to venture into in search of someone whose life had been just as important as his own. Failure marred that noble quest, silent tears rolling down bony cheeks the only outward sign of remorse the pallid man could manage, but even that ebbed with time as those formerly warm bones grew even colder and eventually stilled, even the once labored breath as soul too faltered. The compassionless wind and weather gradually buried that once bright life in white until it too was no more, the last note of that song being the crimson fabric wafting in the wind before it too was interred, lost, and forever forgotten.

* * *

Wednesday  
19th August UUY 1

The sound of his own bones rattling was what woke Papyrus, followed immediately by the realization that he was frozen to his marrow as another quiver ran through him. The covers had been kicked off into a pile at the end of the bed, and somehow the window had been opened, allowing the arctic air outside into the normally comfortable bedroom. Shivering with the cold, the sentry rolled out of bed to shut the window, locking it even as his half awake mind tried to process how it’d come open in the first place. There was a bit of snow that had drifted in as it continued to coat the province overnight, but warming up the room — and also himself — took priority as he plied his magic to do that, opening the bedroom door to allow the rest of the home’s warmer air into the frost-encrusted room.

It didn’t take long to start to warm the room itself to a bearable temperature, but the chill in his bones seemed more stubborn to leave, prompting Papyrus to venture into a balmy shower instead. He took longer than usual in that bathing effort, just allowing his bones to soak up the warmth as the swirling contents of his dream wafted in discomfiting fragments through his head. Knowing that the windows and doors were almost always locked, he was forced to wonder if he’d opened that window in his sleep. It was theoretically possible, and also the simplest explanation, but the reason as to why he might have done so remained a mystery.

“Maybe I’ve started sleepwalking.”

The idea sounded almost ludicrous the moment it passed his teeth, but it wasn’t entirely improbable either, given familial history. There was of course the question of whether the dream had prompted him to open the window, or if he’d opened the window in advance and thus the added cold had spawned the dream, but ultimately it wasn’t something the sentry had an answer to, so he was forced to leave off that line of questioning and actually exit the shower finally too, feeling moderately thawed at least.

He dried even more thoroughly than usual, not wanting to waste all his efforts to warm up in the shower before brushing his teeth habitually, finding a kind of psychological steadiness in the ritual grooming that included some light moisturizing of a few bones that felt a bit rougher than they should from exposure to the elements. It was a gentle reminder that even he wasn’t impervious to the weather, regardless of his ability to feel the hot or cold the same way most monsters did due to his lack of skin.

The sound of his mobile phone finally going off with his alarm brought him out of those meditative motions, urging him to go and silence the device before taking it from the charger he’d put in Sans’ room and walking across the upstairs walkway to his room to actually dress. He had a shift this afternoon, he knew, but Sans also had another evening shift, which would had taken place after dinner. The thought of food made him realize he hadn’t eaten since the morning before, and prompted a sluggish appetite at least. It wasn’t urgent, so he put it off as he dressed practically today, opting to forgo his usual ‘battle body’ uniform since it was clear he’d be spending a large amount of his day in the windswept wilds.

More instant oatmeal proved his speed today, but it was warm, comforting, and something he knew would stick to his ribs for a few hours, so to speak. Milk was had with breakfast, but he ended up making himself a pot of coffee after to imbibe languidly, since he still had several hours before his shift began, despite his alarm having been set for this morning. It was simply habitual to get up early unless he had a good reason to delay that rising, such as working an overnight shift, a rarity for him.

A glint of blue at the edges of his vision as he moved from the table reminded him of the jacket he’d found the day before, a fact that first earned a grimace before he sighed. It would give him something to occupy his time this morning with at least, starting with washing it properly before giving it a much needed mending. Dishes were washed and put aside to dry first before he converted that dish sink into one for laundry. Normally he’d have just thrown the zippered hoodie into the washing machine and had done with it, but given the long gash that had nearly bisected the garment, handwashing it seemed like a much more viable option than having all the batting beaten out of it by the tumbling mechanism.

Such a domestic act did prove somewhat soothing for the lanky skeleton, though it took several wash and rinse cycles to fully rid the coat of both the dirt and also the dust that had coated it, making it pretty obvious just how much that garment had been through in whatever encounter had gone down in the forgotten Waterfall mines and possibly prior to that. He wrung most of the liquid from it meticulously before finally using his magic to slowly heat the fabric, gentle motions used to help the remaining water evaporate until it was just as dry as if he’d run it through the washer and dryer, but without additional stress on the already sundered fabric.

A glance at the clock told him that he still had a good amount of time left before his shift, and since today’s was along eastern Snowdin and the border into Waterfall, he knew that it wouldn’t take him long at all to get there, and in fact could start his shift from his house and work his way out along the designated route. It was certainly his least favorite route due to the way it always made his bones start to crawl — particularly whilst in the fog — but it would at least make it easy to do his shift, come home for a quick meal, then head out to cover his brother’s after. Still, with that much time to spare, he opted to bring out his sewing kit from the closet under the stairs, the box full of various tools and materials needed to patch the majority of the brothers’ garments that he took over to the couch to sift through.

For most things, a simple needle and thread was enough, but for something of this nature it would need internal reinforcing to ensure it remained viable, not to mention actually continued to protect from the elements, since the arctic air had a tendency to pass right through clothing that wasn’t properly warded against it. It led to him pulling out a folded patch of cerulean fabric that was similar in shade and texture, perhaps even from a prior jacket that had met its end at some point and been harvested for parts. The fabric needed was measured against the jacket’s war wound, scissors soon applied to cut a piece the right width and length from the material before what was left was tucked away and the skeleton could get to work, sewing the reinforcing patch onto the inside of the jacket with a subtle looping stitch, separate from the batting that provided insulation between the inner and outer layers of the coat.

The fleeced inside got a similar treatment as the smoother outside, a matching shade of fabric reinforcing the repair job so that Sans wouldn’t end up feeling every gust through what had been a rather sizeable slash along the hooded overgarment. In the end, aside from the subtle stitching, the jacket looked almost good as new from that practiced patch job. It was almost enough to give Papyrus hope for his brother to return from whatever had taken him away for the for the indefinite future, even if it had been several days longer so far than the note would have led him to believe. The fact that the other’s phone was off certainly didn’t help matters, admittedly, since it left him without a way to contact his brother either, especially since he wasn’t inhabiting any of his usual haunts.

“He’s a grown monster, Pap; he’s been taking care of himself long before you were. He can handle whatever it is and if he needs help he’s smart enough to ask for it.”

Those words weren’t as reassuring as he’d have liked, but they were true enough, so they would have to do, he reflected while he put away his sewing supplies and folded the repaired garment to tuck in atop everything before he closed the bin and moved to put it away in the living room closet again. Another glance at the clock showed he had just enough time for a light lunch before he needed to head out, which was really all he wanted anyway. Some of the remaining soup leftovers proved perfect for that and it wasn’t long before that was done, dishes were washed, and he was out the door to perform that double duty.

There were a lot of thoughts to be had in those long hours alone in the snow, but for now, the skeleton held fast to the hope in his heart that managed to outshine that dark worry slowly growing within. He chose to believe that his brother _would_ return home, motivating him to continue onward through those two shifts that took him into the depths of the starry night.

It was just a matter of time and patience… right?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole week has passed since Sans' impromptu and barely explained absence, and still there has been absolutely no sign of the normally lackadaisical skeleton anywhere in the Underground. That deep-seated fear of loss is becoming increasingly difficult for Papyrus to ignore, prompting him to seek out some particularly unusual coping method after covering Sans' shift.

Friday  
21st August UUY 1

Thursday came and went in mostly a blur for Papyrus, having worked yet another double shift to cover both his and his absentee brother’s responsibilities. In a way it helped the day go by faster, gave his mind something else to focus on other than how terribly much he missed Sans and was worried about him. It had been mostly overcast the past few days as he worked, though the snowfall was usually reserved for after the daystar set once more, sometimes finding the skeleton out and about while covering his sibling’s shift or on the way home from it.

Those quiet moments seemed to make him miss Sans the most of all.

Friday dawned with the realization upon seeing the date as the alarm was shut off that the elder Aster child had now been gone and totally incommunicado for an entire week. It was a depressing discovery, but Papyrus tried to push past such melancholy anyway, knowing that was what Sans would have wanted and also that he had errands to run before he covered his sibling’s afternoon shift. Thus groceries and other household required items were obtained from town and brought back to the domicile, a warm lunch made before he was out the door to cover the shorter skeleton’s far less taxing duty on what should have been his day off.

The hours of less active lookout duty were marked by the brief patrol Papyrus did each hour he was scheduled to stand watch over that main thoroughfare through the forest. Given the remoteness of Sans’ station, there weren’t many sights to break up the monotony of simply waiting and watching aside from the odd bit of wildlife that scurried through the underbrush and the tree branches above. It almost made the elder’s tendency to nap while on duty understandable, but the hourly jaunts helped keep his blood flowing so he stayed warm and awake through the duration of it at least.

It was on his final patrol around the outskirts that Papyrus ventured even farther than before, since he would be heading home afterward, and as he exited a copse of trees found himself standing in front of a large, ancient stone door. Its lintel was carved out of the rock face itself, the stone pillars and decorated arch once polished but now having chips and cracks worked through their now timeworn surface. The familiar delta rune for House Dreemurr spread over the double-wide doors, wings and center circle inlaid with white marble, and the three triangles with expertly cut amethysts. It was perhaps a wonder that the gemstones hadn’t been stolen by someone in all the time since the Ruins were sealed centuries ago, but the sentry supposed that most monsters weren’t desperate enough to try and steal from the Crown, even if they had fallen on hard times.

Papyrus knew that the former Queen of all Monsters had taken up residence in the ruins from what he’d gathered listening to Sans, presumably having fled there after she’d broke from her then husband over matters of his declared war against humanity. In some ways, he understood wanting to distance oneself from such a stance, but at the same time he definitely disagreed with the idea of vanishing into the unknown to take no part in trying to reshape a people one had once been responsible for. It seemed like an extremely passive way to try and create any kind of change, and, truthfully, more cowardly than queenly.

But he wasn’t here to judge her for any of that, nor did it seem like the right time and place.

She had played a role ensuring Sans’ wellbeing during the mines’ incident, after all.

Given the advancing hour, the skeleton honestly didn’t expect to find anyone behind the door, and as he stepped closer it certainly looked as sealed as ever, as if no monster had come or gone from the portal in some time. Truthfully, with Sans’ absence, Papyrus wasn’t sure if Toriel really had any reason _to_ exit that secluded sanctuary, but for some reason he found himself raising his hand to knock on the door anyway.

“Knock knock,” he called in time with the raps.

Silence was of course his only but also expected answer.

_Who’s there?_

“Déja.”

_Déja who?_

“Knock knock.”

Papyrus wasn’t sure if his brother would find such a temporal based joke funny, but being here instead of his brother left him feeling rather displaced in time, like it should have been the elder rapping out these jokes at this door. Knock knock jokes were something of a specialty of his, after all, even if the younger Aster child had picked up his fair share over the years from his brother.

“Knock knock.”

_Who’s there?_

“Cook.”

_Cook who?_

“Yes, I am.”

The skeleton laid his head against the cold stone door before him, letting out a heavy sigh that misted into the rapidly diminishing light of day, barely a twilight piercing the mantle of clouds which smothered the high ceiling of stalactites that lay above the wintry province. He knew that he should turn around, head down the path and go home, back where it was warm and safe, but something tugged at his soul to make him yearn to stay here anyway.

“Knock knock.” 

Another set of soft raps against the door.

_Who’s there?_

“Heaven.”

_Heaven who?_

“Haven’t seen you for too long a time.”

A soft sob jerked through his ribs before his knees gave out and he sank quietly to them in the shallow snow, the hand that had been knocking splaying out across the frosted slab in a gesture that looked like it was reaching for something beyond its grasp. His other gloved hand pressed down into the soft white fluff beneath it, clawing into the ground as another sound of grief rose up quietly. It had been a whole week now since he’d last seen his brother, and each passing day left such a hopeful possibility feeling less and less likely to occur.

“Knock knock.” 

He patted with his open palm against the unyielding surface.

_Who’s there?_

“Amiss.”

_Amiss who?_

“I miss you so damn much.”

Several bright amber tears slid down his face, maring the pale snow with their hues as they sprinkled the ground quietly. His soul quivered inside his rib cage, feeling leaden as his breath rasped from him in a broken plume of mist as teeth grit with another set of more open sobs rattling through his bones. The hand splayed against the door curled into a fist, lifting away from the thick door again.

“Knock knock.” 

The glove muffled the sound of his fist beating impotently upon the rock that felt nothing, not even the cold that permeated it so thoroughly that it may well have become part of its identity.

_Who’s there?_

“Eye peel.”

_Eye peel who?_

“I feel lost without you.”

Only silence answered such a heartfelt utterance, not even the echo of his knocking coming back to meet him as forehead and fist both pressed against the frozen rock, his expression one of open and impotent anguish. Truthfully he knew better than to expect such an effort to make his brother appear from thin air, but it didn’t stop him from _wishing_ that such a miracle could have occurred. Teeth parted as he sucked in a quivering breath that was exhaled as broken sobs, the stone scratching at his skull as the motion of curling in on himself scraped the bone against the door.

Somehow he managed to turn around and put his back to the door, some last vestige of proper processing left to him used to pivot him around so he could instead hug his knees to his chest, muffling his emotional outburst into his jeans as everything rippled up from his wounded heart all at once. The wind rose up in seeming answer to that upwelling, rustling through the tall, ancient trees that framed the path away from the Ruins, the sound like dozens of voices whispering in the near darkness.

“I just want you to come home. Is that too much to ask?” Papyrus demanded brokenly of no one since he was alone, even though his words were directed at his missing sibling. “I’ve tried to do _everything_ you’ve ever asked or needed of me, tried to be there for you through every hardship we’ve ever faced… ” His jaw quivered as more tears ran down his face, voice all over the place as he confessed to the darkness alone. “I know I screwed up with Undyne and _I’m sorry_ , I wish I could do that whole mess over again… maybe then you’d trust me enough to have let me help you this time.”

Eyes closed as he smacked the back of his skull against the heavy door behind him, beating it a few times in quick succession as an outward expression of his frustration even as more tears slipped out from under those eyelids to stream across his zygomatics. “Please… just come _home_ , I don’t want anything more than that.” Several more choked sounds of grief rose up and prevented him from speaking for a few beats as he lifted his right hand to claw at the top of his cranium. “Just you, safe and sound at home so we can go back to all the bad jokes and stupid arguments that never meant anything. I just want to be able to gripe at you about that dumb sock while you say something inane to excuse it.”

Teeth clacked together in a chatter as the tears ran in a steady stream from his eyes, his words having become gradually more broken until he found such speech impossible in the moment, prompting him to curl in on himself again to let out a muffled yowl to try and express the depths of emptiness he felt in his soul the more likely the other’s death seemed. He’d always felt so sure that they’d be there for each other, that they’d be able to overcome any obstacle, no matter how great, so long as they had one another. But with each passing beat of his weighted soul he found it harder to keep believing that Sans was still coming home, honestly unable to remember a time when the elder had been gone _this long_ without a single communication.

Especially not after having been so damn sick.

“Was I supposed to come find you?” he whispered, voice strained by the convulsive cries that still rattled through his bones and blurred his vision. “Was this my test to prove myself to you? To show that I was worthy by being able to know that enigmatic mind of yours well enough to figure out where you’d gone?” Hugging himself, his hands squeezed at tibula and fibula hard enough to make them creak in protest, the pain registering dully to the skeleton. “I guess if so then I’ve failed miserably, because I haven’t any idea where you might be at this juncture, since it hasn’t been in any of your usual haunts for a week now.” Head tilted forward to rest on his patella, hands releasing his lower legs to instead claw at the back of his neck and skull, wracking his mind for any clue that might tell him what he was supposed to do.

Sans had always been the patient one.

Papyrus just didn’t know how much longer he could bravely wait.

He couldn’t say how many tears he’d shed at this point, but it seemed like every conceivable surface was marred with them on his person and around it, and somehow they still kept coming as he searched his soul for some answer to the riddle he wasn’t even sure he’d been asked. The sentry desperately wanted to find his sibling, their father seemingly beyond their reach at present even if Papyrus didn’t believe their progenitor was dead. It mattered little at the moment when all he knew was that he was very much alone, and the prospect of that being unending scared him more than anything else, prompting a soft, tremulous utterance into the empty night.

“I would trade all my tomorrows for just one more day with you, brother.”

Something about that admission broke a dam inside, teeth chattering together as his features scrunched up in such an expression of unfathomable loss and loneliness before a sob rattled up to break the momentary silence. More followed, the sounds soon swept up in the harsh winds that had suddenly swept through the forest ferociously, cutting down to the bone with their intensely icy impact for whomever was unlucky enough to be in the nearby vicinity. Papyrus honestly didn’t feel any of that as he huddled with his back to the Ruins, pouring out the emotions that were too raw to process any other way than through those bone rattling, convulsive cries.

Papyrus didn’t know nor care how long he sat there in the icy wind and weather, simply venting out his soul’s pains into the void. Various broken utterances escaped him, but like his more primal cries they were just as carried away by the sharp breeze that felt like an echo to the sensation of multiple frozen daggers stabbing at his very soul. The former was more tangible than the latter, but it didn’t make either hurt any less.

Eventually those tears ran out, and with time so too did that emotional storm, leaving the skeleton feeling hollow again, but this time it went even deeper than before as his hope remained diminished in the aftermath. He felt brittle, like his bones could easily turn to dust at the slightest provocation. He wondered briefly if it was how Sans had felt, possibly before crumbling to dust himself, before realizing the reality he was now accepting.

_Sans wasn’t coming home._

Bones rattled with one last quiet denial that somehow generated a couple more tears to slide across his malar bones, dripping down off his angular features to splash on his folded arms. He didn’t want to believe it emotionally, but logically it was now the most sensible answer that made the least assumptions. He had failed his brother when Sans needed him the most, and now the elder was never coming home, because his dust was spread somewhere unknown, perhaps even part of the snow that had come to blanket all of Snowdin again.

“Knock knock.” 

His voice was soft, even more so that the muffled tap against the door behind him as he stared out into the blackness, his eye lights softly illuminating his tear streaked cheeks and a face that just looked weary beyond belief.

_Who’s there?_

“Aye.”

_Aye who?_

“I love you… and I’m sorry.”

Eyes closed for a moment before he pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, though somehow managed to find his balance quickly despite the frosted state of every inch of his being. “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough and now I never will be. Not for you, not for Papa, and not for Mum either. I guess Zarc was wrong; I wouldn’t have made any of you proud to see me now… I’ve just been deadweight all along.” The skeleton sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I just wish I could’ve had the chance to sprinkle your dust on the thing you love the most.”

Papyrus knew that wasn’t him.

“I know you aren’t really there; never have been. Guess it’s time I stopped deluding myself about a lot of things, seeing as the world’s gotten a lot emptier without your bright spark in it. Thanks for listening anyway though, even if you’re just an inanimate door I pretended was my brother for a bit. I hope if there’s an afterlife he has the best door ever to tell knock knock jokes all day long. He deserves it.”

A faltering half smile was given over his shoulder before the sentry started the long, cold, dark slog from far western Snowdin to eastern, steps shuffling softly against the snow that was drifting down quietly around him. Even the breeze had died down, leaving his normally trademark scarf fluttering limply in his wake with such sluggish movements carrying Papyrus slowly but inexorably along the way. He was cold; he was tired; he was hungry; but all that paled in comparison to the yawning emptiness that had opened up within at the acceptance of his realization that he was all alone. It overrode all those necessities by the time the remaining son of the former Royal Scientist made his way home at an advanced hour of the night, stripping and collapsing into what was once his brother’s bed upon arriving. It didn’t take long for unconsciousness to claim him for its own, that darkness far more welcome than the one now growing within, and, for a time, the oblivion of somnolence masqueraded as peace.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time flows inexorably onward like a river, whether Papyrus wants it to or not, leading him to try and seek solace in music before the emotions he sought to process end up coming to a head in a whole nother way than expected.

Monday  
24th August UUY 1

The cycle of day and night, starrise and starset, daystar and evenstar, they became rather meaningless in the days that followed for Papyrus as he fought against the notion that Sans wasn’t coming back. No matter how factual and accurate it might seem as that first week gradually grew into a second, the skeletal monster simply didn’t want to believe that he would never again see his brother. There had to be a better explanation, and the need for one drove him to combing the forest and later Waterfall for any sign of the elder Aster child when he wasn’t covering his own or his sibling’s shifts. The logical part of him knew he should accept it and move on, but the emotional part of himself simply couldn’t. The idea that he was now all alone…

It was unthinkable.

Of course even the Great Papyrus’ energy was not infinite, and despite being nothing but bones he was still very much a living, breathing being that needed food and rest on a regular basis, even if he sometimes forwent it in pursuit of a cause he deemed worthy. Sans was definitely such a worthy cause, but at the same time the sentry knew that it wouldn’t do his sibling any favors if he were to end up collapsing out in the elements of exhaustion while trying to find him. It was a balance the younger skeleton was not fond of trying to strike, his own patience not nearly as long as his brother’s own, but for the elder’s sake he tried very hard anyway.

The lanky skeleton had crashed out sometime not long prior to midnight after a long day off spent combing as much of the Underground as his lengthy legs could take him, though regrettably without any success or even some measurable progress in tracking his AWOL family. It would have been a day the two of them had hung out, played video or board games, or even just chilled out in front of some favorite flicks. Being honest with himself, Papyrus would not have minded slowing down with his sibling just this once if he’d actually been home, but unfortunately the days of that absence continued to pile up like nails in a coffin.

A soft gasp broke the peaceful hush as Papyrus awoke and sat up simultaneously, hand moving to his chest where his soul beat frantically in the aftermath of that dream, casting a bright glow through his pale shirt. Eye lights were fuzzy and out of focus as he sat there for several moments, hunched over and chest heaving with his panting breath through his agape mouth. His dreams as of late — that he could remember — all carried the same themes now, and while he could hardly blame his mind for repeating in slumber what his daytime self feared the most, it was becoming somewhat old.

He tried laying down again within the cool comfort of Sans’ bed after catching his breath, but his mind simply wouldn’t stop swirling with the discombobulated fragments of the nightmare as he tried to go back to sleep. The skeleton didn’t allow himself to lay there long in an effort to try and force matters, soon tossing back the covers and sitting up on the edge of the bed, hands rubbing at his face with a quiet sound of bones. A glance at the digital clock on the dresser told him it was about four thirty in the morning, earning a soft sigh from Papyrus as he pushed himself out of bed and padded into the hallway.

The first stop made was in the washroom, a warm, damp cloth applied to his face and neck to try and help him relax. It did serve that purpose to some degree, but it still wasn’t enough to let him feel ready to properly sleep, so after rinsing, wringing, and hanging it up, the ivory monster padded in his socked feet to head downstairs, contemplating a glass of warm milk. Along the way he spied his guitar, which he’d left out since the musician’s visit. It wasn’t typical of him to do by any means, usually putting things away as he’d went, but he’d found himself playing it a lot more as the days went on in an effort to process _something_ of what he was feeling out in a manner that didn’t bother anyone else.

Despite Zarc’s offer, Papyrus genuinely felt he wasn’t worthy of that company, particularly when the creative monster had so much on his plate between his band and the fashion business taken over after Grim’s passing. They’d both lost a lot, and it really just didn’t feel like a fair and just thing for him to put _his_ burdens on another, especially when Sans had been the other monster’s best friend.

_No, not had. **Is.** Sans is **still** Zarc’s best friend,_ Papyrus corrected himself as he went into the kitchen to make himself that glass of warmed up milk, tugging open the fridge a little roughly. The jingle of glass bottles in the door bade him to take a deep breath to simmer down the heat that had started to blossom up from his soul, reaching in more calmly to take out the jug of milk that he carried over to the stovetop. A small saucepan with a pour spout was fished out of a nearby cabinet and he eyeballed a glass-worth of milk that he started to simmer on a low heat, returning the container back to the ice box.

A soft sigh fell from his teeth as he fished out a large mug from the cabinet for his beverage, half considering the idea of making cocoa before deciding that was too much work. Especially at four in the morning for just himself. For Sans he would have gladly done it, but knowing he had a mid-morning shift of his own plus one of his brother’s to cover along with that… he knew he should just try to get back to bed as soon as possible.

“Yanno, even if you were here I’d still happily cover those for you until you got better… At least then I’d know you were okay.” Such an utterance was spoken into the silence that hung rather oppressively over the Aster home, only breaking through the auditory gloom briefly before it returned. It only really earned another little sigh as he stirred the milk to keep it from scalding, letting himself get lost in the eddies and ripples on the white surface as he did so. It didn’t take long before the ice cold milk started steaming and reached a comfortably warm temperature for drinking. This was poured into the mug, the skeleton then moving to wash out the saucepan while it was still warm in order to avoid leaving any film on the metal surface. It was mostly habitual neatness that kept the dishes from being allowed to pile up in the sink, along with wanting to keep up appearances, particularly if Undyne or Zarc dropped by for a visit during Sans’ absence.

It wouldn’t do to let anyone see just how badly that absence was affecting him.

Though normally Papyrus would have sat at the table with his glass of warm milk, he opted to go and sit on the couch instead, a light touch of magic used to turn on the floor lamp on the left of the couch as he approached and settled onto that far cushion, one leg tucked up under him. A sigh rippled across the surface of the liquid before he imbibed a slow, deep swallow of it, genuinely trying to relax despite the swirling thoughts inside. A few more were taken after that, half draining the glass and then setting it aside to take up his guitar instead for a bit.

Pulling the pick out he’d tucked under the upper frets, Papyrus idly strummed a few notes, almost absently going through a series of familiar scales and chord progressions to warm up his hands while he tried to sort out his thoughts upon the strings with some kind of structure. The instrument seemed to resonate with his emotions and magic — though he couldn’t be sure if that was just his imagination — and sang out the lonely notes he was plucking like a wolf’s cry to the cold moon. It slowly evolved into a more proper tune that didn’t lose its haunting properties, the sentry humming a meandering note that tried to encompass the gamut of dark, haunting emotions roiling through his soul as he poured out another refrain through the acoustic instrument that couldn’t quite capture the exact sound he was going for but in the middle of the night it would do.

[Circle of Dust - Malacandra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkCzvROrVCg)

Eventually that melody waned and transitioned into more idle notes, his humming falling silent for a time as well. In some ways such a haunting song helped him process away his sorrow and loneliness, but it left something else festering in its wake that was not a common feeling for Papyrus:

Anger.

Despite his innate boldness and occasional brashness, the sentry was not particularly prone to bouts of outright anger. Certainly he had his moments of annoyance just like any other monster, particular habits or ticks irritating to him, but given his strongly kind nature toward others, it was rare for the ossein man to feel that spark of true ire toward anything or anyone. At present such a feeling was nebulous and indeterminate, but still, it was a heat in his soul that Papyrus knew, prompting him to reach for and drain his glass of milk in several swallows, hoping the soothing properties would assist him in letting go of that strange spark inside him.

There was a subtle but audible clunk as the empty mug was set back on the end table to his left, pallid fingers gathering up the guitar into them once more. A familiar tune sprang to mind after a few notes, prompting him to express himself with something from a time past, eye lights a troubled mix of yellow and amber as the seemingly calm notes reverberated through the common area.

[Celldweller - How Little I Must Know (Instrumental)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN7VbBn_bDU)

Doubtless such a soulfelt tune had lyrics of its own, but those were not the musings spoken into the dimness of the pre-dawn living room, lit only by that sole lamp, voice heavy with emotion. “Maybe it was naive of me, but I always thought despite everything that you hide from me, that somehow, with everything we’ve been through, that I’d eventually get through to you. That I could show you I was, if not an intellectual equal, at least an emotional one? Someone who wouldn’t judge you for whatever it is you hide behind those weary eye lights?” The chords sounded forlorn as that thought was spooled out, resonating off that sense of self loathing that followed the lanky monster around most everywhere about everything he did. “I know I wasn’t there for you in the mines, but I thought maybe all the hard work I’d done over that week despite that might’ve proven to you that I could handle whatever it was you were dealing with…”

There was a sudden dissonant twang as his left hand clamped down over the fretboard in a sharp clench about the neck of the guitar, his other hand strumming down in an angry stroke that left the discordant notes yowling through the air for several discomfiting beats. “But no, instead you just leave me a terse note about how _you’ve_ got some stuff to take care of, and I’m just left holding the pieces in the hopes that you actually _come home_ because you sure as sh ****it apparently don’t want to be found, even by your own damn _brother_. ”

Chest heaved as Papyrus panted between his parted teeth, an angry ruby hue creeping into his irises that had overridden the majority of the yellow and was even now eating away at the bright amber. “I’ve wanted _nothing_ more but to be there through all the stupid hell we’ve gone through, but you still don’t _see me_ , even when I’m beating on the walls you’ve built so high around yourself!” His voice echoed through the empty room, reverberating off the walls that were the only thing hearing him now in that other skeleton’s undesirable absence. “You’re probably dead now because you refused to let me in yet again and here I am, _left behind_ because I apparently _wasn’t_ —” He stood abruptly, the motion angry as the instrument that’d been in his lap was lifted up over his head. “ _ **—fucking—**_ ” Eyes ablaze he swung the body of the guitar down like a sledgehammer toward the coffee table. “ _ **—GOOD ENOUGH!**_ ”

“ _ **STOP!**_ ”

The stringed instrument came to an abrupt halt barely centimeters above the top edge of the coffee table, bones trembling with the pent up anger that demanded an outlet as Papyrus looked toward the source of the sound and found himself face to face with one of his own Gaster Blasters. Something akin to curiosity furrowed his features, deepening the shadows upon them as he tried to process through the mental haze that was such a potently emotional state. Its features were familiar, ones he’d had the displeasure of discovering about a decade prior, but there were two things about this particular one that were distinctly off.

One, he hadn’t summoned it.

Two, its eyes were umber instead of amber.

“Since when were you in the business of destroying irreplaceable things?” the skull asked in a deeper tone than Papyrus’ own, but still recognizable for himself. Or rather, something that was _a part_ of himself.

“Wait, you’re… _how?_ ”

“Necessity is the mother of all invention. Now would you _please_ put the guitar down before you lose something you’ll profoundly regret come the morning? ”

Papyrus looked down and realized with a soft inhale that he had indeed been about to smash that beautiful instrument in the heat of the moment, his pent up resentment toward Sans but mostly anger at himself manifesting as very uncommon violence that he would have indeed regretted come morning, if not sooner. Gently, and much more respectfully, that mystical guitar was lifted up and set aside where it wouldn’t come to harm before the skeleton sank heavily back down onto the couch, cradling his face in his hands with a half choked sound of grief. “I just… _I don’t understand._ What am I missing? How can he tell everyone I’m _so cool_ in public, but in private just keep shutting me out like I’m beneath him? ”

There was a rumbling sigh that fell from the skull before it floated over and nuzzled with its nose against Papyrus’ skull. “Maybe he thinks he’s protecting you from something too dangerous to share?”

“That’s _exactly_ why I want to help though! ” the sentry barked with obvious frustration as his head jerked up to look at the blaster and the entity inhabiting it, fingers curled in claws before him. “If this is so dangerous, why should he keep going at it alone? I thought family was supposed to be there when you fell, or even just needed a little help, but for some reason even though he kept insisting on doing so much for me growing up, he can’t seem to see or accept that I’ve grown up and am just as capable as he is?” Those clawed curled hands scratched over his cranium with a growl of irritation. “Does he think I’m stupid? Incompetent? Unworthy? Incapable? Just… _what?!_ ”

“While I will admit that he can be quite noncommittal and even outright _lie_ at times, I find it difficult to imagine he would continue to put effort into a lie to build you up in public if he thought so little of you in private, ” the more logical half of himself reasoned as it voiced those thoughts aloud through the skull for a change rather than simply in the skeleton’s headspace alone.

“Then why won’t he _let me in?_ ” Papyrus demanded in a frustrated growl that sounded more like it should have come from the blaster skull than himself.

“If we operate off the assumption that he doesn’t think so little of you, the only logical conclusion I can come to is that whatever he’s keeping from you is something he’s scared will take you from him, or irrevocably change you in some way that he isn’t willing to risk.” The draconic skull moved to hover in front of Papyrus again, trying to meet those eyes. “I know we haven’t always agreed with _how_ he’s tried to protect us, but I think we both know that’s been what he’s been trying to do anyway. ”

Another sound of annoyance rippled up from the skeleton, though it was more diffuse than the last before Papyrus lifted his gaze to meet the other half of his self. “Stars, I hate when you say things that make sense sometimes.” He flopped back against the couch, half slouching in the seat in a way that rumpled his pajamas and half tugged his shirt up to reveal his lumbar spine. “But, what good is it to keep it from me in an effort to keep it from taking me away, when it only ends up taking _him_ away from me instead? That’s not what I want at all… ”

The blaster sank down to rest upon Papyrus’ lap, prompting the skeleton to start idling caressing it as it spoke. “That isn’t something I have a good answer to, unfortunately, aside from the idea that it isn’t his intent at all but rather an unintended side effect.”

“Okay… but it still doesn’t answer the problem of how do I get through to him in the first place?”

A thoughtful rumble rose up from that conjuration, eye lights rolling in their sockets in a contemplative way. “A tricky question without a straightforward answer, to be sure.” Sighing softly, those eyes closed for a few beats before opening again. “But perhaps since violence is a language he seems much more intimately familiar with… maybe we need to learn to speak it better ourselves.”

Papyrus’ brow bone knit together slightly in a mix of mild confusion and contemplation. “Weren’t you just _stopping_ me from being violent a minute ago? ”

The skull canted itself up slightly to better look at the skeleton. “There’s a difference between senseless violence and purposeful violence. You were about to break something precious thoughtlessly; I’m proposing more controlled shows of power and ability.”

“Touché.” A sigh. “So basically you think the only way to get through to him is to show him that I’m strong enough to handle whatever he’s keeping from me.”

“Maybe not the only way, but at the moment it seems like the most logical one, give what he’s shown us over the years.”

The sentry let out a soft grunt, finding the idea disagreeable given his normally peaceful nature, and yet it held a certain logic to it that he couldn’t deny. Sans’ solution for his tormentors in school had always been violence, after all, and while the elder had never purposefully hurt him, it was starting to feel like the only way to get through those thick walls that had been constructed about the other’s mind. He hated it, but it seemed like that might be the necessary path to prove himself worthy anymore.

“All right,” Papyrus sighed. “What do you propose then?”

“Well, first off,” the skull ventured as it lifted back up off the skeleton’s lap, “you should probably get dressed before we do anything, since I get the feeling we aren’t going back to sleep anytime soon.”

“Yeah… Gonna make those shifts later suck, but you’re right. Even the milk didn’t help.” Speaking of, he reached over to retrieve the mug before standing and heading into the kitchen to at least fill the cup up with warm water after rinsing it out a few times. “And after that?” the sentry inquired as he headed up the stairs to his room.

“Well, since I’m in this form I thought we could try some of the ideas that have been half percolating at the back of our mind,” the blaster hummed as it trailed in the lanky monster’s wake.

“So different blaster uses, huh?” Papyrus ventured as he slipped into his room and closet, quickly picking out something practical to pull on that included jeans and a long-sleeved, thick turtleneck.

“Given Sans’ reliance on them, it seemed like a good place to start. I mean, bones are well and good, and we’ve got some ideas for that too, but I always felt that outputting raw magic and nothing more seemed like a wasted opportunity. Sure, heavy magic lasers get the job done, but they kind of lack finesse and nuance.”

“No arguments there,” Papyrus agreed as he emerged from the closet, flicking the tail of his scarf over his shoulder before heading out of the bedroom to cross the walkway to fetch his phone manually. “I’m guessing the backyard is probably not the best place to practice what you had in mind?”

“Not particularly, no. I was thinking better to head to one of those remote training spots you’ve setup. Less chance of someone getting hurt, and more ready targets for practice there,” the blaster inhabitant agreed as it continued to idly trail behind the full skeleton.

“A reasonable proposition,” he hummed, bending down to pick up his phone and keys, tucking them into his pants’ pocket.

“Well, I _am_ your logical half, so anything else might be a bit weird. ”

“In fairness, I’m talking to the other half of my psyche inhabiting one of my conjurations. I think we’ve already gone past weird.”

“An equitable assessment, I grant.”

“Wouldn’t be very logical of you to do anything else, now would it?”

“Nyeh heh heh… no, no it wouldn’t.” The blaster turned about after those chuckles, letting Papyrus follow as it did so, floating down the hallway and the stairs to the front door.

“Well, at least I know you still have a sense of humor,” the skeleton ruminated as he followed, soon grabbing his boots to pull on over socks and the lower halves of those jeans.

“I think humor is pretty universal; though I grant I tend to find things that play with logic or knowledge more interesting. Probably the half of you that likes his puns.” From the way the construct was hovering it gave off the impression of folded arms with the back of a hand holding up the chin.

“No… I like them too,” Papyrus admitted softly, feeling his soul ache with longing to hear them again. “I just… I regret not telling him so before, and the idea that maybe now I won’t get to.”

“Well, let’s not focus on that dark what if and instead stay optimistic, huh?” There was a brief pause and a chuckle from the blaster. “Huh, that’s weird. Never thought _I’d_ be the one telling _you_ to be an optimist. ”

Papyrus shrugged in a gesture not quite as broad as his brother’s generally was. “Guess lots of things are changing these days.” Pushing himself up off the couch, he grabbed his coat from the rack and pulled it on before opening the door to let them both out. “Probably about time they did though; nothing gets better without change, after all.”

“No, but let’s not lose ourselves along with those changes, eh?” it posed as it floated out the door into the small clearly at the bottom of the stoop, letting the sentry shut and secure the portal behind them.

“Can’t make any promises there, but I’ll try.” Papyrus tugged the door closed, locking it before descending the steps and coming to stand beside the blaster, hands in pockets. “So, which one are we off to?”

“Mmmm, probably that big, really remote setup you’ve got. We might end up crashing a few trees and breaking a few rock faces.”

“Fair, but… that’ll take a while to get to,” Papyrus pointed out, knowing a trek all the way out into the farther corners of the Snowdin wilds were a good multi hour hike by foot, even at his long, quick pace.

The jaw of the blaster parted in an obvious grin, umber eyes sparkling with mischief. “Not if we do it my way.”

“Which is?” came the intrigued inquiry.

“Like this.”

There was a subtle pull on his magic that felt different from what Papyrus was used to, but he didn’t fight it as he watched with open curiosity while that skull grew several sizes larger until it was definitely bigger than he was. Such larger conjurations were certainly within his capability, but it wasn’t often that the ossein man expended the magic for it, as it was deemed inefficient most of the time when a smaller one would do the job better.

“Well? Hop on!” it urged him once it finished that growing process, tilting its head to make the climb easier.

“Huh. Never thought to do that before. Wonder why?” Papyrus mused to himself as he ascended and settled in up near the top of the skull’s forehead, able to grab hold of one of the horns for stability and security from where he sat.

“Probably because you’ve always viewed these as weapons and not as tools,” it asserted while rising up from the ground to a level that took them above the treetops.

“A valid point; clearly it’s a viewpoint I need to adjust.”

“And adjust it we will. Tonight and together.”

“That sounds almost as good as working with Sans again.”

“Something for later then.”

“Here’s hoping.”

And with that they were off like a shot into the dark of night, washed intermittently in the silvery light of the evenstar as it peeked out from behind the high, wisping clouds wafting across the frosty cavern’s ceiling, that pallid glow almost symbolic of the hope that was on the verge of waning inside his own soul.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer able to pretend that Sans is coming home, the reality of the situation sends the younger brother into a spiral of depression that leads him to one dark conclusion that may only compound that tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a skeleton named Allura, so if you want her dialogue to appear correctly, please install the font from Google's repository here: [Google Fonts - Allura](https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Allura). Additionally, portions of this chapter touch on very sensitive subjects for some viewers, so just be aware that while they are sincerely and sensitively dealt with, they are there.

Wednesday  
26th August UUY 1

The sounds coming from the television droned through the common area at a low volume, mere background noise as Mettaton did something suitably self important and glamourous on the display before whatever audience was with the cyborg celebrity in the studio it’d been filmed at. The screen cast its colorful glow across the darkened room, night having fallen sometime ago, but no lamps granted their illumination across the once cozy, familial home; only this cold, unfeeling glare as the wind outside rustled through the trees and the snow clinked softly on the window panes. For all the fans that the star had across the Underground, however, this one particular viewer didn’t presently care and had simply failed to muster up enough initiative to bother changing the channel or shutting the set off.

Or much of anything else, really.

Empty eye sockets stared blankly in the direction of the set, the pallid glow from the flat screen casting odd shadows as it reflected off the angular lines of that skull and the drying amber streaks across it. A blanket lay haphazardly draped across the skeletal form, curled about itself into a tight ball, head laid across one of the throw pillows out of habit more than desire for comfort. A familiar blue hoodie was clutched against the ribs that were ever so slowly and faintly still rising and falling, the only outward sign of life by the profoundly troubled monster as even the sound of that breath was lost among the meaningless buzz pouring from that electronic.

Papyrus couldn’t say how long he’d been laying there on the sofa. Hours he supposed, though he couldn’t bring himself to focus on the ticker at the bottom of the screen to know for sure. It didn’t seem important enough. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten — _Sunday?_ — but at the same time, it didn’t really matter either. Truthfully, nothing really felt important anymore after having come home from covering what he’d afterward realized was Sans’ last scheduled shift. Normally they worked together on one of their shared days off to sign up for their shifts from the ones available, usually given a few to choose from each week due to their seniority compared to most who were simply assigned their shifts by a commanding officer. But the elder Aster child had now been gone almost two weeks, still with no communication nor any other sign of life that the younger had been able to find in all his wanderings across the Underground.

Such a realization had come tumbling down on the sentry like a mountain, all the evidence available to Papyrus mounting up into what felt like the irrefutable conclusion that Sans was indeed never coming back. He’d been fighting the idea for some time now, denying it, becoming angry at it and himself for his failure to prevent it, and now finally it sat heavy on his soul, crushing those last ounces of hope the skeleton had managed to hold onto and left him feeling utterly hollow.

Eventually, he’d run out of tears to shed, but not before half soaking the soft cerulean sleeves that had once given so much comfort. Now they were clammy, but he held on anyway.

He had nothing else left.

First it had been their mother, murdered by a human who had been taught to hate those different from itself. She had tried to show it love and kindness in spite of that, and he had striven to emulate such a noble act in all the childhood hardships that had followed. Then later they’d lost their father to a freak accident during the fulfillment of his duties as the then Royal Scientist, not dead perhaps, but certainly beyond their reach as funds slowly evaporated into naught. Even then he’d tried to stay strong, to be the monster he knew his mother would have wanted, tried to be there for Sans as the elder brother fell gradually into desperation and eventually despair as his efforts failed to produce the desired results. He’d thought somehow, someway, he’d be able to save his brother at the very least.

But now Sans was gone too, taken away because Papyrus had failed to step up when it was needed the most, had hesitated when he should have committed, and quite simply just hadn’t been _good enough_ to save the only family he had left.

He was completely alone and had only himself to blame for it.

A brief shiver rattled through Papyrus’ bones, just barely audible above the buzzing of the television as he managed to curl in tighter about that precious piece of apparel, the weight of all the things he wished he’d done differently pressing down on him to fill the skeleton with regret. He didn’t want to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone. He didn’t even want to _be_ something, and truthfully he wanted to be _less_ than nothing. A part of him vaguely wondered what it would be like to just never get up from the couch again. How long would it take before he wasn’t anything anymore? He had no family left who would miss him, no friends he expected to come calling or care when he just stopped showing up anywhere. His existence was as transient as a snowflake, and no one would mourn his loss.

That experiment might have been carried out in the moment were it not for the persistent yet picayune prattling of a particular personage on the screen annoying the depressed monster with its unnatural façade of cheer. Under normal circumstances, the sentry would have been indifferent to it at worst and even enjoyed some shows for their amusing antics at best. Today, however, it felt particularly offensive as it glorified aspects of life that were in the grand scheme of things utterly inconsequential. No amount of looking pretty, dressing or acting a certain way, nor of the latest and “greatest” MTT product line would bring Sans back from the dead.

It was enough to goad Papyrus into action, reaching for the remote on the coffee table to turn the television off. Darkness fell over the common area as the screen switched off, the skeleton now only able to hear the soft clink of the snowfall against the window behind him as he slouched forward in his newly seated position. The cornflower blue hoodie lay across his femurs now, fingers idly caressing the soft fabric after setting the control aside on the cushion next to him. His eyes gradually adjusted to the new, nearly pitch state of the room, save for a few small digital lights here and there, his ocular glow still absent in his deep melancholy.

_At least you don’t have to keep missing Mum now; you can be together,_ he reflected to himself, his ‘throat’ far too tight to even think about speech right now. _I just wish I could be with you._

Papyrus paused at that desire, phalanges still slowly running the blue cloth between them as something he hadn’t thought about in a very long time sparked up within him. There was nobody left who wanted or needed him, nobody to cook or clean for, nobody to protect or to love. Everyone who had ever mattered to him was gone or he didn’t matter to them anymore.

But… he could join the ones who mattered on the other side. He didn’t have to wait.

He was a man of action, after all.

Rising from the couch slowly, Papyrus let the blanket fall the rest of the way away, still cradling that beloved hoodie against his chest as he made his way through the dark, about the coffee table to ascend the stairs with a quietly deliberate purpose. Memories flickered at the edges of his awareness as he moved, hand brushing across the bannister briefly as he recalled various antics from their childhood, when the home was still filled with love and laughter. Games of tag, hide and seek, playful sibling roughhousing, even just times when they managed to tire themselves out and flop out across whatever convenient surface was nearby to catch their breath.

Maybe such sounds would come again in this house for another family when he was gone, but that wasn’t a thought of any real import for the skeleton as he moved into his room, turning on his bedside lamp with a touch of magic that had always come to him as naturally as breathing. He wished that innate gift had been enough to save his brother, but now at least it could serve in his preparations to join his mother and brother beyond that dark veil. Automatic movements led him over to the desk, pulling out a pencil and pad of paper in one of the drawers, the items taken over to his bed where he came to sit on the edge of the mattress, near to the golden glow of the lamp. The coat was laid across his lap again, notepad resting atop it as the pencil rolled idly between the tips of his phalanges while he briefly thought before the tip touched paper to begin slowly sprawling out the words weighing on his heart.

_Sans,_

_I know you’ll never read this, seeing as I failed in my duty as your brother to protect you. I know you’d say as my older brother that it should be the other way around, with you protecting me, but I’d always hoped that one day we could be equals in that regard and watch each other’s backs, through whatever life threw our way. Maybe I’m not as good at telling knock knock jokes the way you always would, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from you over the years it’s how to deliver a potent punchline._

_I wish I would tell you that I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough. Maybe when I see you again I’ll finally have the opportunity to admit all the ways I’ve failed you and ask for your forgiveness. I know it isn’t something that comes easily to you, but I figure that I ought to at least try. I owe you that much, considering all that you’ve done for me over the years. I wish I could have been there when you took your final breaths, held you in my arms and maybe given you some peace before you crumbled to dust, instead of you having to face that end alone. I wish I could have saved you, that all the hardships that have taught me how to heal the body could have somehow aided you when you needed it the most, instead of sitting stagnantly._

_Most of all, I just wish I could have had more time to be the brother you deserved._

_I hope you’re there on the other side, but if oblivion is all that awaits me, it will be a fate less grim than the rest of my days sans you, brother, for a life without you would be no life at all but a quiet prison slowly smothering my soul into nothing. And perhaps my death will serve as some kind of atonement for the sins I’ve committed by not being everything you always told everyone else I was._

_I love you and I’ll be with you soon._

_Papyrus_

The normally neat writing wobbled in places as his hand trembled, particularly noticeable on the line wishing for more time. It was what he should have wished upon a real star for before they were gone, even if it was unlikely those distant orbs of molten fire were capable of granting such desires. At least if he had then it couldn’t have been said he didn’t try, though truthfully such a small thing was just another failure on top of a mountain more of others that weighed heavily upon his neck. None of it mattered now. He would simply go quietly into the dark and let everyone else forget he ever was, and life in the Underground would move on without so much as a hiccup in that absence.

Tugging the sheet of paper free from the adhesive binding it together at the top of the pad, Papyrus folded it neatly into thirds before writing his brother’s name on the front. The meaning behind that particular name felt heavily ironic at present, for he truly did feel _without_ something crucial to his very existence in the absence of the one monster that had always made him want to give his all.

_Now I’ll just be giving you my all in another way tonight,_ the skeleton reflected quietly as he rose from the bed, moving across the room to set the simple note on his desk before putting away pen and paper in their proper spots. It wouldn’t matter after tonight, but old habits were hard to break, and in a way they were almost a comfort as they gave just that brief illusion of normalcy.

Even if nothing was normal anymore.

His keys joined the letter on the desktop, jacket laid across the chair before he started to disrobe, his garments going into the closet hamper with the same kind of habitual neatness that he’d developed from childhood since their mother’s passing. Domestic things had been something Papyrus had come to take pride and comfort in, able to keep up the household for their father and his brother in the absence of their matron, letting them do what mattered most. At least it would make it easier for whomever finally came to investigate the home to do what needed to be done.

Papyrus felt like a ghost as he tread across the landing from his room to the washroom, flicking the light on above the bath as he entered and moved to draw a warm one in the deep tub that held many a fond childhood memory, like much of these hallowed halls. He knelt on the plush bath rug beside the basin for a bit while the water ran, filling the cozy chamber with steam. It was about halfway full when he finally climbed in, sinking as deep as he could into the water and letting it slowly rise and submerge him completely as he stared up at the ceiling above. The water was shut off with a touch of magic when the bath was completely filled, some part of him not wishing to damage the home that had given him so many wonderful experiences over the years.

The sentry laid there for a while beneath the water, not breathing, barely thinking, and half seeing through eye sockets still devoid of their nigh ever present glow as the water barely rippled around him. The idea of dusting himself while the water drained occurred to him, letting his remains be swept away down the pipes into the sewers where they belonged. It would be a fittingly unremarkable end, but as he reflected on it he considered that he wouldn’t be able to guarantee the tub was completely clean, and he didn’t wish for anyone to have to clean up whatever sludge might’ve been left behind.

He had cleaned up more than enough monster dust in this house already.

The water had started to grow tepid, and while Papyrus was more than capable of heating it up again — or even having kept it from growing cold in the first place — he opted instead to sit up, grabbing a washcloth and soap to scrub himself clean in the water until his bones looked halfway presentable. It would have to do he decided, pulling the drain plug on the tub and standing as the water spiraled away, taking with it that dirt even if it couldn’t wash away the transgressions the lanky monster felt guilty of.

Bones were dried, the motions mechanical and automatic as the sole remaining Aster child performed what almost felt like a ritual in cleansing the body despite what his soul could not be washed of. Such a notion jangled around within his skull even as he hung the towel up and moved back to his room, coming to sit bare at his desk, holding the jacket once more in his hands and lap as he looked at it. Monster dust was supposed to be sprinkled on that person’s favorite thing, Papyrus reflected as his gaze was drawn to the window by the sound of the wind and snow picking up against it. His favorite thing was gone now, but… maybe becoming one with the element he always associated with that beloved presence would be an adequate substitute.

At the very least it would save someone the trouble of cleaning up after him.

Papyrus slipped the cozy hoodie on over his bare bones, some distant part of him aware of just how much that garment needed a thorough washing. It smelled of spicy wintergreen and a hint of ketchup, the soft inner lining brushing over his bones in a familiar, comforting way despite the fact that it was a bit too small for him, the sleeves not quite reaching his wrists nor the bottom hem his pelvis, leaving a portion of his spine exposed. He left it unzipped as he went to fetch a pair of those familiar black shorts from a drawer, since he’d washed everything else of Sans’ early on. Those were pulled on too, though they didn’t come to his knees the way they did for Sans, given their height difference, nor did they smell the same as the jacket, but at least it was another thing of his brother’s he could grace with his dust.

Semi-clothed now, the lanky skeleton looked in the mirror hung on the inside of the elder’s closet, seeing how dim his amber soul glowed as it slowly, almost unwillingly beat inside those well shaped ribs. The lack of eye lights made his expression particularly gastly and gaunt as it was examined, an odd sight for one once so full of cheer, and yet that memory felt as distant as the stars he’d once had the fortune to behold. But at least he could give up the last precious thing he had to the closest thing related to his brother; now he just needed something from his mother to honor her as well.

Padding down the hall and then the stairs, Papyrus crossed the common area to the master bedroom that had been their parents’, quietly entering. It was neat and orderly as always, having been kept up in silent anticipation for their father’s return over all the years, even if the younger child felt that he was the only one who still believed in that possibility anymore. Much of their mother’s belongings had been packed away into the attic since there was no denying the permanence of her absence, but there were still a few things that remained despite that and one of them would suit his purpose tonight quite well.

Slipping over to the familiar vanity, one of the drawers was slid open in a smooth motion, allowing Papyrus to reach into the back and pull out an object wrapped in silver velvet. The shimmering cloth was reverently unwound, soon revealing a bone handled dagger with a leather sheath. The handle was intricately carved with a floral filigree, the sheath a supple black with a pattern of white and blue lotus flowers upon it. It was clearly a piece that had been made with love, and it felt appropriate to use it tonight as he stepped off this mortal coil and gave the people who’d meant the most some piece of himself in that end as he tried to join them on the other side.

Tucking the velvet back into the drawer and shutting it, he exited the room just as quietly as he’d entered, the door closed behind him on his way to go sit on the couch, turning the lamp on nearest to him finally to chase away a little of the gloom with that warm light. Papyrus turned the weapon over in his hands a few times, admiring the beauty and grace of it before pulling it gently free of that sheath, the metal glinting softly as he did so. Curiosity along with morbid practicality had him run his phalange along the edge, a thin line of crimson welling up shortly thereafter almost painlessly to affirm that the blade was indeed still plenty sharp for his purposes. Though it felt a little strange to do so given what he planned, the sentry healed the cut effortlessly, since he wasn’t wanting to leave blood on anything, the blade cleaned with a disposable facial tissue before being slid back into its sheath.

The glance to his right for the tissue reminded the skeleton of the phone he’d set down there when he’d first sank into the sofa, prompting him to reach for it. Fingers moved with a mind of their own until Papyrus found himself looking over the familiar thread with his brother. The last few messages had been from him alone without reply, but further back were others, some practical, some silly, some even at the time having been mildly exasperating. Now they were all bittersweet as they felt like reminders of how he could have better spent his time with Sans and working to grow for his sibling’s sake.

Thumbing back down, he paused at the picture he’d taken of the stars before the ceiling was repaired, soul aching with regret that he hadn’t been able to share that sight with Sans more before such an opportunity was robbed away. _Maybe we’ll get to roam among them in the afterlife… make up for all that lost time,_ he mused to himself, though he had to admit it was a pretty vain hope to have.

Papyrus sighed softly as he scrolled back to the bottom of the message log between them, not liking that the last message he’d sent had been focused on their sentry work instead of what really mattered. It prompted him to start a new message, even if he knew his brother wouldn’t ever get a chance to read it. At least it would partially absolve his conscious of that guilt.

[Wherever you are, whatever you’re going through, I hope you’re taking care of yourself, brother, ‘cause someone really cares about you. <3]

After a few moments of reflection he sent the message off, feeling like that was a much better note to end that chain of memories on than something as inconsequential as work. It was something he should have said much sooner, but perhaps the old adage of better late than never was mildly relevant here, even if it was pretty certain the afterlife didn’t exactly have text messaging.

The sound of the wind rattling the glass panes with a hearty flurry of snow and sleet told Papyrus he’d procrastinated enough, prompting him to lock and set his phone aside before standing with dagger in hand. He tucked his right hand with it into one of the coat pockets, a flick of his magic snuffing all the lights in the home off as he made his way barefoot toward the back door. Hand opened and magic closed the door behind him, securing it even as he descended the short set of stairs into the expansive backyard. 

The wind whipped at Sans’ jacket, washing over the skeleton’s exposed bones and carrying with it a hefty flurry of familiar frosty fluff that rapidly started to worm its way into his joints. It was an intimate kind of chill that still reminded Papyrus of his brother as he crossed the yard and vaulted over the chain link fence, continuing on his way into the forest that ensconced much of their property. The idea of simply performing the task in their backyard had certainly occurred to him, surrounded by all those childhood memories in that snow, but it didn’t feel quite right to taint that once happy space with such a sorrowful act, and so he kept walking, following an instinct or summoning to someplace else in the wilds instead.

Time held no real meaning for the skeleton as he walked through those woods, buffeted by the windy weather that was sending a hearty flow of frost to the earth, filling his footsteps even as they barely left an imprint to begin with. It was simply just another reminder of how transient his own existence was, let alone that of the loved ones he had once held so dear and now was robbed of, the most recent assuredly being his own failure. It also meant it would be difficult for someone to track or find him among the maze of trees upon the icy tundra, but he knew of no one who would even want to as he plodded in the direction he felt drawn to, no longer trying to navigate via years of intellectual knowledge but instead rather by his fading heart.

It was difficult to tell when the white flurries of the storm met with the misty fog along the eastern edge of Snowdin where it bordered Waterfall, but the commingling of the two fronts became quite obvious as Papyrus finally stumbled into a small clearing, just barely able to see the farthest trunks ringing the loosely circular area. Yet despite the intensity of the weather around him, the skeleton felt a sudden sense of calmness as he stepped into the ring, moving with almost grave purpose to the center of it. Gently he knelt in the snow, dimly aware of the cold that greeted his already half frozen bones as the wind rustled through the open hoodie and caressed his almost ashen soul with its icy tendrils. His ribs rose and fell in a slow but steady rhythm as he pulled the dagger out of its sheath and the jacket pocket, the dull glow of his soul glinting off the metal blade as it was lifted into view. There was no evenstar nor ceiling stars to be seen as he looked up, only the endless churning clouds and fog, the only light in that oppressive darkness the culmination of his being as it pulsed with each reluctant beat.

Papyrus found himself reminded of the dreams that had plagued him over the past fortnight.

Of course, from dreams one could wake up, but the skeleton knew this was not a dream, even if it felt like his worst nightmare. The only thing he wanted to wake up to now was his brother and mother on the other side of the veil, if indeed he had to wake up to anything at all.

Eyelids closed over those empty holes as he positioned the blade between his left ribs, soul coming to press against that sharpened tip in anticipation as Papyrus took a slow breath, his perception of time’s passage coming to a crawl. He felt each snowflake as they brushed his bones, each breath of wind whispering between those calcium constructs even as the fog thickened the air he was breathing with its dampness. The sound of familiar laughter danced on that breeze, a memory and nothing more as it faded into the distance. A faint scent of cinnamon swirled past, bearing with it the recollection of many frosted utensils licked under a watchful yet adoring gaze, only to pass just as quickly as it came.

Often he’d heard it said that bravery was the courage to act in the face of fear, but strangely the prospect of death wasn’t what the brave souled monster was afraid to face.

It was a life without family; without love; without purpose.

An existence sans everything he held dear.

Of being completely, totally alone.

That he could not brave.

Breath held, Papyrus felt his soul sluggishly beat against the blade as both hands held it, hairline cracks starting to fractal outward from that contact point, and it was surprising that it didn’t hurt like he’d expected. The world suddenly felt like it was holding its breath with him as the wind and snow died down almost abruptly, silence falling over the tiny grotto. He finally exhaled the words he wanted to leave behind into that emptiness as he pulled back the dagger to thrust through his own core.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” came a soft whisper in reply as a finely boned hand wrapped around right hand and wrist, halting the blade before it pierced the soul. “But Sans still needs his baby brother.”

Papyrus gasped at the familiar touch and voice, soul fluttering faintly in response even as his phalanges tightened around the ossein hilt betwixt them. “That’s why I have to die; so I can be with him too,” he managed with a soft trembling of bone.

“Even if he’s not dead?” the voice murmured pertinently, the other hand slipping inside his ribs to grasp and withdraw that dim, damaged soul away from the dagger.

“I wouldn’t be here if he weren’t,” the sentry murmured in dejected tones, slowly lowering the weapon to his lap as his soul was taken from him, though it didn’t matter since he wanted to be dusted anyway. By whose hands weren’t terribly important; he just wanted to see his brother again.

“What makes you so certain that he no longer numbers among the living?” Refined phalanges caressed over the once bright amber gem, verdigre tendrils brushing about its surface with a soothing warmth.

“You want me to spell it out for you? Fine,” he half growled, bones rattling harder as emotions welled up again in response to that touch. “He hadn’t slept for a week in addition to getting sick, then after some showdown in Waterfall he leaves me a terse note saying he’ll be back, but that was nearly _two weeks ago_ now. He hasn’t answered any of his messages, his phone goes straight to voicemail, and nobody has seen nor heard from him since the day of the confrontation. ” His hands clenched in his lap hard enough to rattle his arm bones. “ _What other conclusion is there?!_ ”

“That’s what your head’s telling you; what about your heart?” Despite the outburst from the sentry, the voice remained calm and soothing, one hand still holding Papyrus’ right with the knife in it.

Shoulders slumped as that question was pressed, eyes closing to dislodge a few more tears he didn’t know he still had within him, tumbling over his cheeks as an answer rose up tremulously. “That I wasn’t good enough and now he’s gone.”

There was a soft sigh. “Lying doesn’t suit you, Papyrus. How about you turn around and try answering again?”

Papyrus felt his soul tremble in that delicate, nurturing grasp as the familiar voice chided him gently. He sheathed the dagger carefully before complying, turning about on his knees with his gaze fixated on the snow beneath him during the entire maneuver. The hand that had been holding his moved under his chin, urging him to lift his gaze from the ground. A shudder ran through him as he did so, only barely able to make out the unfamiliar outfit before him in the dark, but there was no mistaking the emerald green eye lights he finally met with a quiet sound of longing and grief that he gave name to.

“Mum…”

“Shh… there’ll be time enough for that later,” she soothed with her free hand moving to cradle his cheek whilst the other cradled his soul against her bosom. “What does your heart tell you, Papyrus?”

Eyes closed as he leaned into that touch, not caring why or how right now as he simply basked in that long absent presence to genuinely reflect upon the question. His soul ached as it beat within that protective grasp, soon more tears flowing down Papyrus’ cheeks as a soft sob rattled through his ribs. “That he’s lost and alone; that he needs help to find his way…”

Allura continued to gently soothe him. “And how will you guide him from beyond the veil?”

“I don’t… know,” he admitted quietly, feeling like he was back at square one again. At least death gave some kind of closure; this was just a mystery without a solution at present. “I’ve been trying to find him but it’s like he’s disappeared from the Underground itself.”

“If you can’t find him, maybe he just needs the right beacon to guide his lost soul home then,” she suggested, lifting his damaged soul up as it spun softly above her palm with its slow, almost labored pulses. “Who better than his brother?”

Papyrus looked at that ashen, barely glowing ember before him, head shaking after a few beats. “If it were that simple then why hasn’t he come _home_ already? ” His voice was pleading, yearning to make sense of the chaos consuming his life.

Her expression shifted to one of empathy, caressing her thumb over his zygomatic bone lightly. “Because there are other forces at play here, but he **will** need you very soon, my darling child. Without your light he will remain lost. I know that’s not what you want for him. ”

He shuddered, shaking his head in denial. “No, I want to _save_ him, ” Papyrus choked out, his bones starting to rattle as the cold sank deep into his marrow. “I’m so afraid of losing him… Like I lost you… like I lost Papa… He’s all I’ve got….”

“That fear is an old friend,” Allura hummed sagely with a knowing nod. “But I know you’re stronger and braver than it.” She looked down to his soul, barely flickering like an ember on the verge of being snuffed from so much lost hope. “I believe in you, Papyrus, and I know Sans does too.”

There was a soft sound that might’ve been a sob as Papyrus lunged forward into her arms at that utterance, clinging to her with all the ferocity of a lost child as the winds hummed ominously through that grove again. Familiar arms wrapped around him, comforting and sheltering him for several beats before they gently gathered his svelte frame into them with perhaps surprising strength as she rose. 

“Close your eyes and rest, dear heart; I’ll see you home safely.”

“But—”

“I’ll answer any questions I can when you are safe and warm, sweetheart,” she assured him, starting to confidently walk in a particular direction whilst those emerald tendrils about his still exposed soul wove through it, instilling it with warmth and love. “You’ve taken care of so much and so many; let me take care of you again for once.”

Papyrus took a breath to protest but found no good reason to, so instead simply surrendered to the warm invitation beckoning him to do just as she’d asked. The last sounds he heard were the soft creak of leather, quiet jingle of metal, the wind through the trees, and two souls beating as one in their sacred bond.

[hr]

Awareness slinked through Papyrus slowly, cognizant first of the fact he was warm as a blanket — or perhaps several — weighed across his frame pleasantly. The next thing he realized was that he was on the couch, which made him question the memories slowly rising to the surface of his mind as he roused somewhat sluggishly. He felt his soul beating within his ribs, which at least told him he was alive, though such a fact was briefly regretful as yearned for Sans before the smell of cinnamon and freshly baked bread — a scent that hadn’t graced their home in many years — prompted him to open his eyes with a sudden feeling of curiosity.

It was dark in the living room, but a warm glow emanated from the kitchen, along with that smell that prompted the lanky skeleton to gently push off the covers, legs swinging out to sit on the edge of the middle cushion. Such an act made him realize that he was still in Sans’ shorts and hoodie, making the reality of what now almost felt like a dream more assured as he rose to pad barefoot across the carpet into the kitchen.

At first everything looked as the sentry expected it too, seeing as he hadn’t eaten in a while to dirty any dishes. The smell of cinnamon was certainly stronger here, prompting a child-like yearning as he moved deeper, bare tarsals clacking softly across the tiles as his steps remained light. Papyrus was half following his nose as he wandered over to the dining room, the sight at the table stopping him in his tracks as his soul skipped a beat.

“Ah, the sleepyhead rises~” came the playful utterance as the lightly armor-clad woman rose from the chair that Papyrus normally sat at, her emerald eye lights lifting to meet the taller skeleton as her arms were held out toward him. “Did you rest well?”

There was a soft clack of bone on the tiles as Papyrus darted forward into those arms, hugging her close even as those arms wrapped around him in turn. It didn’t matter that he was an adult or presently taller than his matron; right now he felt like a small child again as he held onto her. “Without dreams,” he murmured whilst burying his face in the cloak draped over her shoulders. “God, I’ve missed you…”

“I know, baby…” Allura murmured gently as she held him, letting him take a moment for himself as her fingers cradled the back of his skull. “But look at you… so tall and handsome; you certainly took after your father.”

“Tall I’d buy, handsome… not so much right now,” Papyrus sniffled softly but with a little humor as he lifted his head to look at her, noting the height difference given that the last time he’d be in these arms he’d been a great deal shorter.

“Nonsense,” she assured him, brushing a thumb over his cheek where a tear had slid down. “Just because you need to take better care of yourself at present doesn’t mean I can’t see you for what you are. Like I always have.”

Papyrus sighed, leaning his head in to lay their foreheads together as his eyes closed. “I don’t think anyone else has seen me for that in a very long time, Mum.”

The soft smile deepened, expression waxing more tender. “You might be surprised, my darling child, but I think you will experience all that in its due time.” Allura slid her hand down to lightly squeeze at his cervical vertebrae. “For now though, I could use your help with something you’ve always been very good at.”

“Hmm? What’s that?” he wondered, pulling back to peer at her with an expression of curiosity.

“I’d think your nose has already give you a hint,” she cooed playfully before gesturing toward the table where a baking dish of cinnamon rolls sat on a trivet, awaiting the frosting that had been mixed up in a glass bowl beside it. “I know it was one of your favorite things to help me with.”

Breath quickened softly as he looked to the treats he hadn’t had since he was a very small child. “Well, it was more licking the spreading knife back then… but I’d be happy to help you do the honors now,” he breathed, feeling his soul aching as he moved to settle into Sans’ usual spot to assist with the frosting of the still piping hot rolls.

“True, but given how you’ve grown, I think this is a good next step.” She smiled, taking up a second butter knife to start helping him spread the icing across the batch of treats. “Particularly with how you’ve taken up the mantle of house chef~”

The sentry sighed softly, but it was mostly a sound of contentment as they worked. “Well, Papa wasn’t exactly the best cook — he tried of course — and I just thought it’d be a way I could help support Sans and Papa doing so much for monsterkind in their work.” His expression turned slightly sorrowful. “It hasn’t seemed to help Sans much since the accident though.”

“It might be helping more than you know, Papyrus. Just be patient with him; we all process and heal differently.”

“I know; doesn’t make it any easier when I just want to help him get better, though. I feel like I’m losing him sometimes…” Papyrus scooped up a dollop of the sweet frosting to drop onto a roll, lightly spreading it. “Especially times like now, when he runs away instead of opening up to me.”

Allura reached over to lay her hand on his wrist, the knife she’d been holding hovering in the air between them as she did so. “I know; Delius sometimes did the same to me, but eventually he always came around to share the important stuff. I know Sans will too; he’s just got a lot upstairs to figure out.”

The touch earned a brief pause as Papyrus lifted a troubled amber gaze to her own, a light frown tugging at the corners of his jaw. “All the more reason I wish he’d share it with me,” he admitted with a little sigh that was slightly exasperated but mostly just longing before he paused, head tilting with sudden curiosity. “Who’s Delius?”

“Oh.” Allura’s expression conveyed brief surprise followed by mild chagrin as she let go of her son’s wrist to take back the knife and resume her work. “I never got to tell you about him, did I?” she ventured, her tone bittersweet. “He was my brother. I guess seeing pictures of Sans reminded me of him, since it seems your brother took after mine a great deal.”

“I have an uncle?” Papyrus asked with a surprised blink.

“Had, unfortunately. He died during the War.” Her expression was briefly sorrowful at whatever memory that evoked before offering him a smile. “But I know he’d have loved you both very much had he the opportunity to know you.”

“I see…” The younger skeleton looked briefly crestfallen before regaining his composure as he finished frosting his last few cinnamon rolls. “I wish I could have known him. Having cousins would have been neat too.”

“I imagine he would have had he found the right person to be with; circumstances just weren’t kind for a number of monsters during the War,” Allura admitted regretfully as she likewise finished her own portion with a subtle flourish of the utensil. “I was very fortunate to have had your father’s support through such a trying time for us all.”

Papyrus sighed, turning the dull knife over in his hand as he looked at it. “Yeah… I wish I had someone like that.”

“Everything in its time, dear heart. I know patience isn’t your strongest suit, but it will happen when the time is right.” She gestured toward the spreading knife he was holding. “But for now, enjoy some of life’s simple pleasures, Papyrus. You don’t stop often enough for that anymore. What’s the point of all that work if you never pause to enjoy the little moments in between?”

Another sigh escaped him, but this one was quieter and more reflective as the sentry looked over the frosted utensil. “I certainly regret not taking more time with Sans… I hope you’re right and I can still make a difference in his life.” He finally conjured a tongue to slowly lick the sugary spread with, eyes closing as the taste took him back to a distant memory with a little sound that straddled enjoyment and yearning.

“You know that I’ve never lied to you, my little sunbeam; I see no reason I would start now.”

Cleaning the spreading tool with another lick, the young skeleton contemplated that thought briefly before shaking his head softly. “No, but I also don’t know _what_ you are, seeing how you died years ago. We’ve already dealt with one imposter trying to wear a parent’s face recently. ”

Allura frowned lightly at that admission, her delicate brow furrowing. “Hmm… Well, that is a fair concern to raise,” she admitted before offering him her own knife to lick clean. “Unfortunately I am not truly alive, as I imagine you’ve already sussed out. I am… an echo, I suppose. A remnant of the one you once knew, created to protect that which she cherished most.”

Papyrus set his original knife down on the tray, taking the other to enjoy with a thoughtful expression. “I accepted your death a long time ago… but it is nice to have a chat with you that isn’t so one sided,” he ventured a little wryly. “I guess that means your presence here is only temporary.”

Her expression was apologetic. “Sadly, yes. But I’m happy to spend each moment of it with you until then.”

He felt his soul’s beat hitch, the idea of that bittersweet but he certainly had no desire to turn down such an opportunity, even if it made his heart ache. “I wish Sans were here so he could have time with you too; he deserves it much more than me.”

That frown deepened slightly as she rose from her chair, coming over to lay her hands on his shoulders. “You **both** deserve more time with me, baby, ” she assured him with a gentle squeeze. “But he got more time than you, so I doubt he’d find this brief opportunity all that unfair. I imagine he’d want you to have it.”

The sentry leaned back against her, eyes half lidding as amber tears gathered in the edges of his orbits. “Maybe so… Can… can we save some cinnamon rolls for him?”

She smiled down at him gently, lifting her hands to cradle his jaw. “Of course, sweetie. I think that would mean a lot to him.” Allura leaned down to press her teeth to his forehead lightly. “I made an extra big batch since I thought you might want to do that, so don’t feel guilty enjoying a few now, okay?”

Those subtle, familiar gestures helped Papyrus relax as he took a breath to exhale, nodding slowly. “Okay.”

“That’s better.” She reached over to pluck a nearby one off the tray, offering it to Papyrus. “I’ll get some milk to wash them down with while you get started on them.”

There was a small giggle that bubbled up from Papyrus as she offered him the treat, leaning forward to take a bite before lifting his hand to take it from her as he chewed with a low sound of pleasure. “Mmm…” It tasted just like he remembered and provoked a number of emotions to churn through him before finally settling on enjoyment of the moment, given the rather pertinent point his mother had raised.

Allura smiled at such a sweet expression on her younger son’s face for a moment, soon moving into the kitchen to fetch a glass from their familiar place in the cabinet and the jug of milk from the fridge. Pouring that cup, the milk was returned to the icebox before bringing the drink over and setting it in front of Papyrus, resuming her seat finally.

“Napkin?” he inquired, reaching with his off hand for the milk for a sip as he swallowed that bite.

“Don’t tell me you’re too old to lick your fingers~” she teased him.

Papyrus blushed, but shortly after setting down his glass indulged in that somewhat childish behavior. “No… but it’s generally impolite?”

A soft chuckle escaped her. “I think this is a worthwhile exception to that rule, don’t you?”

He paused, mulling it over before finally nodding. “Yeah… I think this one time it’s okay. Wouldn’t want to waste any of your hard work by not fully enjoying it.”

Those emerald eye lights sparkled lightly with mirth and mild mischief. “That certainly wouldn’t do at all,” she agreed warmly.

Papyrus worked his way through that first roll and some more of his milk before noticing that his companion wasn’t partaking either, earning her a little head tilt. “Aren’t you gonna have some?”

Allura smiled at him, her expression bittersweet. “I could, but I made them for you and your brother. Besides, it’d be a bit of a waste given this temporary form.”

He looked thoughtful at that. “Do you… think maybe it’d let you stay around a little longer?”

“Would that it could,” she sighed. “Unfortunately this form has a fixed duration, even were I to ingest external sources of magic.”

A sigh fell from his teeth, disappointed but understanding. “How long?”

“A day, approximately.”

“Are we talking a twenty-four hour day or sunrise to sunrise?”

Her eyes brightened as she chuckled softly. “There’s my intelligent little monster… but a bit of both technically.”

Papyrus took another swallow of his milk before reaching for another sweet, finding he actually had an appetite for them. “So long and short is we don’t know exactly when you’ll fade.”

“Regrettably no, but rather than dwell on it, let’s just enjoy the time we have, shall we?”

The young skeleton considered that as he chewed through a bite before nodding. It had certainly been driven home as of late just how precious time with loved ones was. “Yeah… that sounds like a better idea.”

“Good.” Allura stood again, offering him a gentle smile. “I think you could use something a bit more substantial with these though, seeing as you’re naught but bones~” she teased in an affectionate tone. “How about some scrambled eggs?”

Such an offer earned an adoring smile from Papyrus. “That sounds wonderful… Mum.”

Her smile deepened as she turned to saunter back into the kitchen. “Coming right up then~”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitation by a long departed monster pulls Papyrus from that depressive spiral for a time, but will the message this specter has to give be enough to pull the skeleton from it permanently when she's gone once more?

Thursday  
27th August UUY 1

Like the flow of the river along the back of their property, time too moved with a steady kind of ease as Papyrus spent that precious time with the temporary spectre of his departed mother. Though they both knew what she was, it was easy for the younger skeleton to put it from his mind in the moment and just enjoy the opportunity he had to spend with her, however brief it was. It was certainly something the sentry had wished for many times over his childhood, but as an adult had given up upon. It seemed strangely ironic that it took nearly ending his own life in the same manner hers had been in order to earn that audience, but it wasn’t something he intended to repeat if what she’d said about Sans was true.

Of course his mother had never been one to lie in life, so he doubted this temporary doppelganger of her would do so either. It just didn’t feel right to him when every other aspect of her was absolutely perfect — quite unlike that entity who had dared wear his father’s face in recent memory — and so he treasured every bit of information he could glean from her in that short span of time allotted them. Most of their time was spent in conversation, in fact, for Papyrus had numerous questions to ask her, on a plethora of topics. She too had questions of her own, and he found himself answering most of them openly, hoping that in whatever afterlife there may be that she might carry those answers with her to the rest of that resting soul that had been shattered so long ago.

Their conversation had taken them into the study where a number of the heavier tomes on a variety of topics were stowed. Papyrus had his own shelves in his room of course, but here were books on deep topics, both of a scientific and metaphysical nature. Some he’d read cover to cover, others hadn’t yet piqued his interest or had the time to be delved into. A few Allura ended up recommending for him to read in light of some of the questions he asked, and those were set aside on the desk to allow for him to do so when he did indeed have that time to pass thus pleasantly.

A glance out the window told the lanky man that it was nearly dawn, the glimmering light of the daystar starting to wash across the eastern cavern walls in a credible facsimile of the sky. It was a time of day that Papyrus always looked forward to, and he urged his matron out onto the balcony outside the study so they could enjoy it together.

Particularly if it proved to be the echo’s last moments with him.

“Breathtaking, isn’t it?” she ventured in a soft voice as one hand curled around the railing and the other caressed over her youngest’s back.

Papyrus leaned into that touch, left arm slipping around her back to lay hand on the farther iliac crest. “Yeah,” he agreed with a nod, eyes slightly fuzzy and a bit misty at the memories of all the sunrises he’d seen so far.

“I wish I could show you what it’s like on the Surface. It’s even more wonderful.” Head turned and she offered him a gentle smile. “But I believe you can see it in your lifetime; the Barrier won’t last forever. Someday I know it’ll be broken.”

“A future that you saw?” he wondered, glancing down into her emerald eyes with curiosity.

“Mmm, no,” she admitted. “But I believe in you and the rest of monsterkind working toward that end goal. I hope that it won’t be because of Asgore’s plan that it comes to fruition, but somehow I just know that by working together you’ll achieve the supposedly impossible and be able to see that sunrise in person.” She rubbed at his upper back a bit. “Not that this isn’t just as magical to share with you right now.”

He considered her words for a bit before nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I feel that way too. That we’ll find a way someday, even if it might take a while. But… I think for something as monumental as that I can be patient.”

Allura smiled and reached up with her off hand to tap at his nasal bone affectionately. “A good way to go about it, my sweet little ray of sunshine,” she assured him as the daystar climbed high enough to bathe those pale features in its golden glow. It made her smile grow a bit more, since that saffron shimmer seemed to suit him quite well. “You really did grow up to be just as handsome as your father.” Finger raised to stop the protest before it could get past the first syllable. “Don’t try to deny it dear; you may need sleep, and I may be biased, but I know what I see.”

Her compliments made him blush softly, eyes dropping as he felt gently chastised but it made him reflect that maybe he was being too harsh on himself in some ways. Certainly for a skeleton he was attractive, in good physical condition — aside from needing rest as she’d said — and had taken after his father in some of those regards. “All right,” he acquiesced softly. “I’ll take the compliment.”

“Good,” she declared firmly but after a moment gave him a lighthearted tap under the chin with the curled crook of her index finger. “Now, seeing as I’m still here, I think that **you** need sleep, young man. I can see how bone weary you’ve let yourself become and it’s not healthy, even with your dear mother’s home cooking. ”

Papyrus wanted to protest, to spend all the time with her that he could, but even as he opened his mouth to do so a sudden wave of weariness washed over him, making him lurch with an abrupt unsteadiness. “Wha—” came the surprised utterance instead as that lethargy washed over him so strongly that his joints all respectively began to buckle.

“Shh, it’s okay,” she assured him whilst catching his lanky form in her arms and gently carrying him back inside as the world started to go dark with that heavy, irresistible sleepiness. “I’ll be here when you wake and we can enjoy some more time afterward when you’re not worn down to your bones.” Her voice was soft, soothing, and sent further waves of sleepiness through Papyrus as he realized she was carrying him to his room. It made sense, but it wasn’t where he wanted to sleep.

“Wait,” he managed to protest, tugging at her armor as they started to pass Sans’ room. “Here. His room.” A hand made a vague gesture toward the door and she seemed to get the memo as her path diverted to carry him into the pleasantly cool darkness of his brother’s room. It was enough to allow him to let go the rest of the way, and the last thing he recalled as the feel of those cold sheets embracing his warm bones as his mind descended to oblivion.

* * *

Papyrus awoke several hours later with a soft gasp that jolted through his whole body in a soft rattling half muffled by the covers tangled about his clothed frame. The vague memory of a nightmare swirled through his psyche but it was as nebulous as the fog that covered the border of Snowdin and Waterfall, wisping away even as he tried to grasp at those memories. He gave up after a few moments, sinking back down into the mattress and staring up at the ceiling as his soulbeat slowed and he was able to process reality and the memories prior to his slumber. It made him recall his mother’s assurances, which was enough to spur him out of bed and onto the landing in search of her.

He found her sitting in the reclining armchair that had been their father’s favorite perch, a book in hand as the light of what seemed late morning filtered in softly through the partly opened curtains. Bones creaked and the young sentry realized how hard he was gripping the railing, particularly as the wood beneath his palms started to groan softly as well.

The noise seemed to have attracted his aware matron’s attention, for her gaze turned up toward him with a smile. “Is everything all right, my dear?”

There was a brief pause as Papyrus took a breath, exhaling it to nod slowly but firmly. “Yeah… just, some kind of strange dreams I think. I can’t remember what they were though,” he admitted even as he padded the rest of the way across the landing and down the single flight of stairs to the living room where she was. “What’re you reading?” he wondered with a gesture toward the book.

“Ah…” Allura hummed thoughtfully but seemed to decide against pressing. Perhaps because he’d indicated he couldn’t recall them anyway. “Oh, this?” She lifted it up, glancing first at the cover herself before showing it to him: _Arrows of the Queen_. “ A bit of guilty pleasure I suppose. It reminds me of some aspects of the Surface that I sometimes missed.”

Papyrus recalled having seen the fictional book before, but not having read it as of yet. It was something he intended to change now out of curiosity. “What’s it about?”

“Mmm… it’s one of those coming of age and independence stories; it has some flaws and failings — as do any stories, really — but it reminds me of having the pleasure and companionship of horses growing up.” Her expression was soft with a reminiscence of fondness. “People often underestimate the power of those bonds.”

He came to sit on the couch on the cushion nearest to her, eyes full of curiosity. “What was it like?”

“Having horses?” she inquired whilst tucking in the bookmark to set aside the paperback novel. He nodded and she smiled. “It was… well, to say magical seems to imply there wasn’t actual work involved. They do require a lot of care but we were fortunate to have help with it. But once one of them bonds with you, they tend to be very loyal and protective. I can remember days when I’d ride out with the dawn to a lonely hilltop I knew in a forest, and just enjoy the day reading or sketching. Some days Delius would go out riding with me and we wouldn’t come back often until well after sunset just so we could watch the stars together while our horses wandered nearby. The stars are a sight I know you’ll enjoy when you see finally.”

Papyrus perked up at the mention of the stars, eyes glimmering brighter with a childlike excitement. “Actually there was an incident a few weeks ago that broke the ceiling and we got to enjoy the stars for around a whole week.” His expression turned mildly remorseful. “It turned Snowdin into a slushy mess due to it being summer above ground, but the stars were beautiful, as were the sun and moon.”

Attentive to her child as ever, Allura’s expression shifted first toward surprised delight and then into mild dismay regarding the state of Snowdin. “Oh goodness. I suppose that would make sense; even the magical enchantments on the province aren’t designed for that kind of occurence. Still… I’m glad you got to see them with your own eyes; something to look forward to once the Barrier is broken, mmm?”

He nodded. “Assuredly. Still… I’m glad that Snowdin is back to the way it ought to be. I don’t think it was very fair to the frost-natured monsters to lose their comfortable home, and I quite missed the snow myself.”

“Understandable. It just doesn't feel like Snowdin without it, does it?” she mused, eyes going a little hazy with what seemed like a memory. “Many a long century has passed since that first snowfall after all.”

“You were there for that?” Papyrus found himself asking with youthful awe and curiosity,

“Mmmhmm. Before the forest too.”

“Tell me about it?” he requested hopefully.

Allura looked at him, head tilting as she contemplated his request before smiling and slipping from the armchair to head into the kitchen. “How about over lunch?” she suggested.

The mention of food made him realize that he was actually hungry, so he moved to follow her, unable to help the feeling that he was a small child again, tailing after his mother’s skirt folds. “That sounds like a great idea,” he affirmed, eyes bright with anticipation.

So that was what they did, making lunch together while Papyrus drank in every last detail that she fed him as though it were sacred knowledge. Sure, there were books concerning the history of monsterkind in the Underground and the War, but nothing compared to such a first hand accounting of those early days. She brought that world alive in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to regard his childhood home the same way again. It was magical and marvelous and it made the time pass all too quickly. Being so engrossed in their conversation, dinner ended up being a late but light affair, since the lanky sentry was far more hungry for the knowledge and insight she could share than any kind of physical sustenance. The topic of history branched off into other studies as well, particularly magic as it was something that he felt the strongest need to master in every way he possibly could, and here was — at least temporarily — a repository of magical experience that he knew must be relevant to him.

Of course she shared inasmuch as she could in the time allotted them, even assisting him with some practical demonstrations and exercises to aid him in his quest to become so mystically adept. She seemed proud of him, and even told him as much on a few occasions as they worked together, sometimes inside, sometimes out back on their forested property to do some of the things that were more dangerous to their property and belongings. It felt wonderful to share his hard won advancements with her, and to in turn receive her own hard won advice and insight as to how he could go one step further, or sometimes do something entirely new and different. There were concepts that he could only barely start to grasp, but he drank them in anyway, determined to master them in the absence that he knew would follow this treasured gift of a day.

His only wish was that he could make it last for longer. Not forever, but… more than a day.

But he knew in heart and mind that he’d been given a precious gift, so he didn’t waste it dwelling on wishes, what-ifs, and would-have-beens. Papyrus spent every moment taking in everything he could with her, and when fatigue started to kick in and he instinctively went for the coffee to keep himself going, a gentle touch stopped him.

“I know what you’re thinking, Papy,” she murmured to him gently. “That you don’t want to waste these moments with me, that you wish that we had longer. But they haven’t been wasted, because I’ve gotten to know the wonderful young man you’ve grown into, and I’m so very proud of all you’ve become and all the things I know you’ll keep growing into for yourself, your brother, and all of monsterkind.” Gently Allura turned him about to face her, looking up to meet his eye lights with a serene smile, hands on his shoulders. “Come and lay on the couch with me; sleep in my arms one last time before I go. It will be just as treasured as all the rest; I promise you.”

Papyrus wanted briefly to protest, but her words made his ‘throat’ feel tight, the pressure on his cervical vertebrae and around his ribs reducing him to finally a nod of agreement. He wanted to stay up, to soak in as much as he could, but she’d already given him so much and that small boy still inside his soul yearned for that motherly comfort one last time before the opportunity was past. Thus they made their way over to the couch, Allura with a cup of tea and what proved to be a storybook from his childhood, and Papyrus took up the blankets on the couch so they could settle in, him across her lap with a pillow over it to aid in their mutual comfort given the firm bones they both were made out of.

With one hand holding open the book after they’d settled, her other laid over his chest, and Papyrus instinctively lifted his own hand to lay over it, feeling his soul’s beat starting to slow as his eyes grew heavier. She smiled knowingly at him and he knew it was her doing again, but it was gentler this time, the descent more natural as she began to read a tale in a voice he hadn’t heard in over a decade, slowly lulling him down into the world of dreams and hope as her words washed over him and finally gave him peace in that surrender.

* * *

Friday  
28th August UUY 1

This time he was awoken by a gentle shaking, eyelids rolling back to fuzzy eye lights that he blinked into focus after a few attempts. “Mmm?” he inquired, looking up at her in query.

“Come watch one more dawn with me, my dear,” Allura urged him gently. Something in her voice told him it was important, so he was quick to toss the covers off and step into some simple shoes to follow her outside. She led him through the trees until they reached an edge and hilltop that Papyrus was familiar with; it gave them a wonderful view over eastern Snowdin, and at this hour there wasn’t much fog preventing a glimpse into Waterfall as well in the distance.

The evenstar was setting far behind them, but Papyrus wasn’t concerned about it as the predawn glimmer grew stronger. He drew his mother into his arms before him, hugging her back to his chest as her hands laid across his forearms and they watched the daystar’s slow but steady ascent to emulate the start of a new day. He had understood what she meant when she asked him to watch one more dawn with her, and couldn’t help the tears that slid down his cheeks to drip off his mandible. Despite them, he soaked in every detail of these precious moments with her, wanting to commit them all to perfect memory so he’d always have this piece of her with him after this part of her was gone too.

“Not gone, sweetie; just beyond Sight.” She reached up to adjust his hand to lay where her soul was. “But still here, like I’ve always been.”

Papyrus didn’t stop to question how she’d known what he was thinking. It just seemed appropriate, given how intensely he was thinking and feeling right now, and how very close they’d always been. Maybe she knew because she’d experienced loss herself, had these same thoughts, but he knew in his deepest soul that she was right. She’d always live on in his heart, and maybe that would be enough.

“I’ll still miss you,” he admitted, voice trembling slightly.

“I know, baby; but when the time is right, many, **many** years from now, I’ll be waiting patiently for you as I always have, and enjoy seeing all that you do in the meanwhile. ” Head tilted back so she could glance up at him. “Just… learn to live for yourself, too, okay?”

He took a breath, trying to steady his emotions as the daystar’s rays started to peek up in shining fingers across the walls and ceiling of the large cavern. Papyrus understood what she was telling him: that he needed to love himself as much as he loved her, loved his brother. That he was worthy of that respect and recognition. It was something that was hard for him to accept right now, but he nodded anyone. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all anyone can ever do, my darling sunbeam.” She smiled at him, and he smiled back even as he commited her face to memory, far more cherished than even all the old photographs, drawings, and paintings that there were of her, often with family. 

He found himself understanding what their father had seen in her all those years ago and his hug on her tightened as that golden star rose to cast its light upon them. “Before you go… I have to ask… My heart has one answer but… is… Papa there… with you?”

Her expression briefly indicated surprise at the question before softening, head shaking. “No; wherever he is, it isn’t there.” She turned to lay her hand on his ribs, the younger skeleton still wearing his brother’s hoodie and shorts, but not a shirt, so his soul was plainly visible as it shone through his bones. “Your heart already knew this, but I understand the asking. The best advice I can give to you, my darling seraph, is to follow your heart and soul. You already know the integrity with which they speak.”

Papyrus laid his hand over hers as he met her gaze, the daystar silhouetting her form in gold that was a beautiful contrast to the green of her eyes. “I do,” he agreed with a soft nod, watching as the light started to shine through parts of her it should not, but he didn’t look away. “My heart tells me that he’ll still come home one day.”

Her smile deepened. “Then come home he must when the time is right.”

Somehow the words gave him comfort and assurance, so he nodded quietly, one hand on her back while the other held the one over his soul. He felt intensely vulnerable and at the same time somehow at peace as he watched her form gradually turn from matter into glowing energy. It was different from the way he was used to seeing spent magic fade, but somehow this felt right and beautiful. “I love you, Mum.”

“I love you, Papyrus. Tell Sans and your father that I love them too when you can. I know it might not be easy, but I trust you to know when the time is right.”

It seemed like more of her was flitting away as glowing light, and as much as he wanted to hold on, he made himself let go, to once again accept the reality of her death and that it would be okay. He still had people who loved him, and people that he wanted to bring home more than ever. “I will; I promise.” He suspected that it would be hardest of all for Sans to hear, but he’d find a time and a place to pass the knowledge on, even if it took a while. He had a lot to live for it seemed.

“Then I am content.” She lifted herself up a bit on her toes to press her teeth to his cheek in a gentle kiss. “Now, do not think of this as goodbye, my dear child; merely until we meet again.” Despite how quickly she was flaking off into particulate light now, her voice remained steady and strong, her eyes fixed on his.

Papyrus took a steadying breath and nodded. It might be a long while, but he knew she’d still be with him in his heart. Nothing and nobody could take that away from him. “Until we meet again,” he agreed, managing a smile as the saying seemed to lift a subtle burden from his soul.

He watched as her form fell apart, armor and bones flaking away into sparkles of light that were quickly vanishing into the daystar as it backlit her crumbling body so that it almost seemed that _she_ was becoming one with the solar entity. The rays of light even gave her the appearance of wings as they fanned outward, though in truth he was certain there was more to that sight than a mere illusion.

“Without darkness, light would be meaningless… don’t forget who you are, but do not be afraid of the shadows within that your light casts. They are a part of you too and just as important as the rest.” Her hands held his, one of the last parts of her that still had any substance as even they started to flicker away like embers from a fire. “Now, my brave, beautiful boy… go and share your light in this darkened world, Papyrus. Be the spark that sets the world aflame...”

He felt her hands slip from his as they turned into nothing more than radiant light, all that was left being the echo of her voice in his mind and heart as the question died behind his teeth. Papyrus stared into the daystar for a few beats before his knees buckled and he sank to them in the snow, hands still outstretched before him. Cheekbones were warm and damp with the tears flowing silently over them as he struggled to process the last few moments without the filter of loss and heartbreak that wanted to creep over him again. Instead he stopped, adopting a familiar, meditative posture as his eyes slid closed and hands lowered to his femurs, palms up and he bathed in the warm glow of that magically crafted cosmic creation. Several measured breaths were taken, the memory of the stars helping him to put things into perspective in the moment.

There was one very important fact that he anchored himself with in that moment as he took those few minutes to meditate and reflect: he was not alone. Sans was still alive and would need him when he came home; his father was still out there, somewhere, somewhen, and would need him when he came home too. Perhaps even need his help to _get_ home. He had a place. He had a purpose. He had a reason for continuing to exist, and to burn as bright as he possibly could, for his family if naught else.

It only took a few minutes to work through such thoughts, but by the time he was done, the sentry felt far more ready to tackle the day ahead of him. He had work to do, both as duty to monsterkind and to his family. Rising to his feet again, Papyrus gave the daystar a military-styled salute with fist to his chest just above his soul. It was symbolic of a lot of things to him in the moment, but particularly to the memory of someone departed but still held dear.

“I don’t know how; I don’t know when; I don’t know where; but I will find a way to brave the unknown, to light up the darkness, and to bring the fire of hope to those who need it the most.”

Turning about to head back home in preparation for his day, he suddenly knew where he’d start.

He’d start with Sans.

**Author's Note:**

> This novella is an early draft of events that occurred after the climax of the first story arc for my alternate timeline. It touches on some pretty deep and intense topics due to the subjects explored within, and some things may not make quite as much sense out of context, but I think the world conveyed here is rich and deep enough to stand on its own and make sense for the most part.


End file.
